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tobebugjewce · 3 years ago

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THE WALTEN FILES: my jumbled notes on my blind run-in with this web series

first off this is gonna be long and unorganized, also this is my second time writing this as i had lost literally half of my progress and im This (imagine two fingers almost touching with a 0.0000000001mm distance between them) close to ripping all of the fucking hair out of my goddamn head. but now this will be extra long and yes, i will lose some accuracy to my first writing but thats okay ill probably edit this a kajillion times over

which brings me to my next tangent; im literally braindumping here. so to have a smidge of organization all afterthoughts, edits and corrections will be boldened, i forgot what im gonna do with italicized text but ill probably bolden it here yeah im pretty sure its for side tangents, separate from Corrections, which are in bold. also theyre for emphasis too.

so in general, this post right here is all of my notes i wrote down on my grid-patterned sticky notes (which i used WAYYYY too much of) about the first 3 uploaded walten files youtube videos transferred onto my handy dandy digital notebook, this b(l)og. yeppers peppers. you know im serious about this shit when i typed probably over like a thousand fucking words including boldened shit, italicized shit and motherfucking links, lost it ALL, and im sitting here re-typing it again.

i feel bad about this but im not gonna trigger warn right here, but this is technically a warning. if you want a list of triggers as to what this post (and the walten files in general) i will link a little list to that here

without further a doo doo, (mama mia) here the fucking fuck we go again.

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #1

clarifying this now, im gonna put some useless shit which i thought was code onto this because even though it was useless it was part of my notes and im physically going to combust if i dont put down every single thing i wrote on my papers. so what i thought was code was in the closed captions, i started writing it down when i got to the second video but came back to my first videos notes to include them. i wrote down the first letter to every word that was capitalized in the closed captions, which i had on as a default because number one i knew going into this id need them because most web horror things like args and cryptic shit like that has some of the most crucial shits in the closed captions. number two i am autistic and have auditory processing issues and have most closed captioning on as a default if theyre available.

firstly jotted, i wrote down the closed captions “code” so im gonna put the rest here too: HYWITB(BSI)Y A(BSI)BJWFKWITW ILHHFSBBSBTLBWI USOISTBNBSFIRBCAWHSHCBWHTAIGRNB*C*BTWLTSFA(20)MCFP ILITIIACPH(1978, 1979)SA(4)YTSCH*C*OGSSU SFTGRPATDBBUTFBNLLCHMIHLBRALLCLAYTUKB*LC*WHATWASTHATTHING

the numbers in parenthesis are there because i wasnt sure they should be included in the “code” or not. i also thought of this with the BSI - bunny smiles incorporated and also the years 1978 and 1979. the shits in asterisks are coughs and light coughs, which were capitalized in the closed captions so i included them too just in case

i then jotted, in parenthesis of course, the names of the animatronics when they were listed in the animation section of the video; bon aka the blue bunny, sha aka the sheep one, boozoo aka the clown<3 honk<33, and banny aka the purpled eyelashed up one who is also a bunny btw. also i got boozoo the clown and boozoo the mustache guy confused because apparently the clowns name is billy???? but they named “boozoo” in bons sleepover and showed the clown? idk maybe im an idiot and theyre the same or just an idiot and theyre different or a super mega (matt and ryan?!?!??) idiot in general which is probably the case

i started drawing little stars to write down things i thought would be super important or to 100% look at again. the first subject of this pointy torture was the part of the video where at 3:00, i marked it down to make sure to reverse the audio as it was most definitely a weird audio that has that signature warp-y effect that makes sure you KNOW its in reverse. i then listened back to it Very carefully (still got it wrong) and got this: “you finally start to remember. that old doll. they will look out for you soon” im also pretty sure i heard “sophie” at the end of that audio but im not entirely sure and dont remember and i dont wanna go back to check lmfao but anyways it didnt matter because i was wrong anyway. after i had finished all 3 walten files i watched the film theory video on the walten files (which didnt cover all 3 but was dece.) out of curiosity and to hear matpats signature silly little voice explain some stuff i already knew, and click some shit in my brain that i couldve thought up of if i was a bit more... i dont know honestly. anyways yeah so the actual audio is “you finally start to remember. that old day. they will look out for you soon.” so yeah. day, not doll.

i then wrote down “sarah evelyn”, the name on the bons sleepover animation (i dont remember if she created it or animated it or whatnot) and scribbled will she matter? under her name. turns out no, as i didnt see her name in the rest of the series, let alone the first video. this is also a great time to mention how matpat theory helped me realize that the walten files are collections of videos, uploaded onto youtube by anthony. (i already knew about anthony as he signed his name in the descriptions of the youtube videos, making me categorize this overall web series more into an arg type genre.) but yes, the tapes, recorded “irl” footage, animated clips, vhs tape recordings and other audio-visual content is all collected and labeled the walten files, as i had mistaken each video to be a tape. stupid me. alrighty, onward!

i starred this one, good for me; MISSING: Jack Walten LAST SEEN: 06/11/1974

i jotted down with an arrow that; sophie was a nightguard? she was wearing the uniform explained in tape 2 i dont know why but i went back into my video 1 notes after i had watched video 2. organization purposes. i guess.??

i then paused the video when the screen flickered a date, the beginning of video footage dated 10/10/1982 (Brian Stells?) god my little genius ass assuming the videographer was brian stells, based on the id card i saw earlier.

i then wrote down what text i saw on the dead, mangled, bloody body in the purple security suit; “i cant feel anything” “he thought i was her” then drew a little arrow pointing to; thought brian was sophie? or ashley? i also starred the name Brian Stells this is totally out of order LMFAOOOOOOOO also i wrote down ashley because, again, my little pea brain went back on my video 1 notes after watching video 2. but yep thats all i wrote for The Walten Files 1 - Company Introductory Tape

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #2

Tape #1 - created 07/02/1978

awesome how thats first and foremost in the captions. god. so sexy of you martin walls. /j /nsx

this pack of notes is chunkier because again, like i have mentioned before i am an absolute goober and thought the capitalized letters of the words would actually mean something. I MEAN MAYBE THEY DO AND IM JUST DOING IT WRONG but i stopped doing it after this video because holy shit it was exhausting and my stupid little fingers couldnt take the writing anymore becasue i am WEAK.

so write off the bat (squeak) i wrote down 197[] the blacked out rectangle over the last digit of that year and everything im also now assuming its probably 1978 or 1974 because lore reasons but whos to say but yeah i also wrote down this;

Tape #2 - created 08/13/1978

then, straight up in the beginning of the video i caught it, the flash of text, as i had by now realized i gotta be SUPER stupid focused on the screen in case i miss anything, i wanted to be crazy precise on my theorizing and mental notes, among other things. but yes i saw it, the first half of a youtube link; “https://youtu”

claps hands together and rubs them evilly. oh yeah baby. thats the hot lunch. this shit right here? the cats pajamas. lets fucking go.

i wrote down this goofy shit i pasued to inspect when i saw bon sorting through a file cabinet and naturally scribbled down the labels and other written things i could see on the files;

relocate X/X/75 felix

storage K-9 07/23/1975 felix k(ranken)

Bons Burgers 06/28/1974 Jack Walten

Shipping Service 1975

New Location -> 1982

i also wrote down more goofy shit, like when banny was created for some reason; in 1974

starred, i noted to go back and reverse the audio at 5:09, when played back, i didnt write it down so i dont remember. lmao.

i also marked to screenshot and brighten the darkened image i saw at 5:20, i was going to do it on my phone then realized i can just do it on my computer so i quickly took a screenshot, brightened it and wrote down what i saw; a missing person poster that read MISSING: SUSAN WOODINGS(?) Last seen: 1974 i was very unsure of the spelling of her last name because the image was so goddamn low quality and grainy but its what i saw. this is where tape #3 gets thrown in, which im gonna type again because i like how the formatting looks;

Tape #3 - created 07/09/1978 (BEFORE tape 2?!//1/1??? its more likely than you think)

i wrote down more dates, any dates i saw, i jotted down. i wrote;

Technical Support 1978

then,

Brian Stells (for some reason i dont remember right now)

alrighty this is where the stupid capitalized letters come in, but before it looks like i vomit a keysmash time infinity on this, ill put down the little inbetween things i wrote in the midst of the caps lockalypse like timestamps and stuff, so here you go;

- Reverse at 8:16 which i did but of course didnt write down what i heard. i think it was too warbled to hear anything clear out of it, or it was just the good ol auditory processing issues fucking me over yet again. WAIT yep yes i did here it is: “rosemary would go to the restaurant every night hoping that [her] beloved husband would reappear after being missing for weeks but no response until one day [s]he heard a voice [saying] ‘i know where he is rosie’ coming from the back stage” the bracketed stuff is the corrections, i misheard the audio and thought the audio said “his”, “he” and “singing” like a nimrod

- Brighten at 10:14 which was another missing person poster, but i dont think it had any information on it because i didnt write it down, just;

- Sophie again (pic at 9:08?) (dismemberd and put in Sha) i was stupid and wrong haha idiot it was rosemary who was put in sha but anywho

i starred and underlined a huge thing i discovered which was;

- Walten had 3 kids which i dont remember how i found out but it doesnt matter, its good important info i uncovered.

- Tape #4 - Unkown Date

- recorded 07/12-07/14 1978

- Hilary B, Ashley P & Kevin W i made sure to get these names down as soon as i saw them on screen but then realized shortly after i wouldnt really need to have it as the closed captions made sure i knew which person was talking by using their first initial (capitalized of course) before each line of text. this is the perfect time to announce the arrival of the clusterfuck of capital letters, which is going to include colons which will indicate that the letter before it is the initial of the person talking. without further aedue, here comes another chinese earthquake;

TCWTSTATO(K-9)TBSSFWFCNEHAWBSUBIUC(BSIIDC)OWHISF INBIJTILNSPL(K-9)LCSCKCCCWTTLTLITTTYROTFAJAMHPYYSTCSPMBBWSBIB H:NTPPCCK:DA:HH:YCPRPMWTCBCRAWK:JH:SYYTCPBACPSTBAWCA:TK(?):FMTTCMK:TCPNOA:DTOFK:ITNPPRA:YBUTIRRFH:HKIBESRAIA:TCK:WA:WPCCFTRRIDPEH:GGK:GPA:LKK:WA:HNCGTKMK:YH:IGKA:ESK:MFH:RK:HILRLBNTRPPUWHITRRTPEIFEPH:YWBEBPK:MAHPBTRPTRPEL(LN)HTACPKLIKHPFITSKLTKLB(LB?)ISIBSUBIPRW AEBATHSPUAICTPURTWBBRPHTRTIIIILTCITCUCCP S(bpe, be)WA”IDCPBPSIB

holy shit its finally over okay now onto some MORE of what i wrote down in between and also after that keysmash attack;

12 doors? (backrooms) 27? 26? i was unsure because ashley was unsure too lmfao

found cassette (6/11/78) <- says “discard”? yeah it did

Tape in clown audio, speaking voice; jack, susan, charles(?), rosemary, sophie, last word sounds like “walrus” it was walten lmfao

Ashley died? yeah she did lmfao OR AT LEAST I THINK SO??

starred this one, Reverse @ 17:06, then got this;

“they left the next day, they thought ashley left early, but she was in the backdoors, screaming as much as she could, but no one heard the screams, the following days the caretakers would complain about an awful smell coming from the backdoors, company decided to shut down facility until new advice, the relocate project was unsuccessful. ashley is still there, but she is not screaming anymore, she saw something she wasnt supposed to see and now shes beautiful” the phrase “shes beautiful” was repeating like a bajillion times in that wall of text. then, god motherfuckng bless:

at 17:23 i found the other half of the youtube link, “.be/k07QqEDOfQ” i pieced that bad boy together as instant as i think any form of ramen could never be, but remained ever patient. because i made sure to jot down this before moving onto my next segment;

@ end of vid 2, “shadow man sees* me when lights go off” im an idiot *it was actually “feeds” not “sees”, which AGAIN, i only found out after watching the stupid little film theory video *begins snarling and foaming at the mouth*

okay im not proud to admit im editing this to post it and realized ive lost my notes. well.

might as well post what ive got! if i find my shit ill add onto this, i suppose.

#the walten files #twf #notes #horror

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surveysonfleek · 3 years ago

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1581.

Have you ever been to Las Vegas? yes, i have! its one of my favourite cities

What did you have for breakfast this morning? i had scrambled eggs and hash browns

Do you have any loose change in your pocket? no pockets and i hardly ever leave things in my pockets

Do you like Taylor Swift? i dont mind her, she has some catchy songs

What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? camp rock haha

If you met your favorite celebrity, would you be calm or star struck? id try to stay calm, id probably be super nervous just being in their presence though

Are there any lights on in the room you’re in? nope, its day time

What’s your favorite subject in school? it was visual arts

What’s your favorite holiday? christmas, it always means ill have a week or two off work!

Do you ever have to do yard work? nope

Is your school close to your house? ive been out of school for a longggg time but it was a 5-10 min drive

Speaking of school, how did you get there today? -

Do you think Bad Romance is a catchy song, or an annoying one? its a good song! i dont love it but im not surprised at how massive it got

Do you use perfect grammar online? honestly, in my previous surveys i would but now i cant be bothered. i use perfect grammar day to day when working so i just sorta wna chill and not focus too much when i do these now

Are you currently using a laptop? yes

Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? most likely, i used to love downloading them back in the limewire days

Did/do you listen to Britney Spears songs? i loooooved britney when she first blew up. and i still do! i dont listen to her stuff too heavily anymore but i still love it

Is it a windy day? nope

In the past week, have you ridden in a taxi? no

What shorthand do you use the most? if were talking about typing, i still text/chat people with ‘u’ instead of ‘you’

Do you ever wish on stars at night? no, ive never seen a shooting star

What color are your eyes? brown

What album is the current song you’re listening to off of? not listening to music, i have the tv on while doing this

What are you doing after you finish this? not sure, maybe another survey

In your opinion, what song is the most overplayed right now? i havent listened to the radio in forever

Are you in a band? no

How clean is your bedroom? pretty clean!

Is there a pen within reaching distance of you? no

Are you sitting at a desk? no, im in bed lol

Does your favorite band have a male or female lead singer? male

Do you normally shut your bedroom door before you go to sleep? of course ol

Have you seen the movie Moulin Rouge? i feel lik ei have once but i do not remember anything about it

Would you ever dye your hair a different color? yes

Are there any framed pictures in the room you’re in? yes

Have you ever been to a Broadway show? not in broadway... ive seen the musicals lion king and aladdin in my city though

Do you watch So You Think You Can Dance? i did when it first came out

What’s your favorite movie soundtrack? none really stand out to me

Do you prefer group or individual work? individual, id rather just count on myself

Do you have a key to anything besides your house? car

Are you wearing anything with stripes? nope

What time did you go to sleep last night? i think 1am

Did anyone tell you you were beautiful today? no

What show did you last watch? american horror story

Do you think you’ll do anymore surveys today? maybe one more

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? run and raisin

When was the last time you stayed home from school sick? years ago when i actually attended school lol

Could you ever complete a 500-piece puzzle? i probably could, i just wouldnt have the patience

If you could run a red light and not get caught, would you? nah. id rather not risk mine or others’ lives

Do you like to listen to music as you do your homework? i dont have homework

Did you think Adam Lambert’s AMA performance was really that controversial? i dont recall, this survey is probably really old

Do any bands flat-out annoy you? nah, i just dont listen to them

Do you have a mirror in your bedroom? yes

Was today a birthday for any of your friends? yes actually! ill need to greet him

When was the last time you rode in a limo? never been in one :(

Do you take naps daily? no. i wish!

Do you still make Christmas lists? yes haha

Do you watch the show Dexter? i did. apparently theyre rebooting it which is exciting! the ending was pretty trash

What’s the background on your phone? its a dark cityscape of nyc

When were/will you be a a sophomore in high school? -

Are you scared of any animals? cockroaches. also i live in australia so while im not afraid of snakes and spiders, im pretty mindful of them

Have you ever been to any sort of convention? yup! ive been to sexpo and a wedding expo lol

Which song did you last listen to on repeat? probably a kehlani song

Where do you want to live when you grow up? around here still

Are you currently using a blanket? yep

Are there any songs that make you cry? not really

How many siblings do you have? one

What are you doing this weekend? its saturday today. im doing nothing. tomorrow im going on a picnic with friends

Do you prefer swimming at the beach or in a pool? pool, its so much more comfortable than a beach lol

When was the last time you had a haircut? hmm... maybe june?

Which musical instrument do you think sounds the prettiest? a harp!

Are you in band or chorus at your school? no

Do you know what you want for Christmas? nope. i dont ‘need’ anything.

Do you watch fireworks on New Year’s Eve? most of the time!

Is your birthday within the next three months? no

How long is the song you’re listening to? not listening to music

Are you anticipating anything this week? yeah, kinda waiting to see if were going ahead with buying some land

Is your mom or dad the older parent? my dad

Have you taken the SATs yet? -

Do you watch anything on E? i dont have e

Are you going to get off the computer now that you’ve finished this? nah maybe one more survey lol

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

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cupidable-moving · 4 years ago

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okay and are my live reactions to the fatal love album & my rankings bc i know u all care a lot !

love killa: SUCH a bop! one of the best line distributions i think? ive only heard it once but thats what it seemed like. the mv was soooo pretty and nice to look at. also its kinda a new sound for them i love it. jealousy.. is still ahead of it in terms of best mx title tracks, but this is deffo in top 3. i am not even going to talk about changkyun’s verse. i cant see therefore i cant acknowledge it

gasoline: VOCALS!!!!! way chiller than i thought it would be! but still so good. they all sound amazing omg. the bridge was too short it was so funky. also! i wish there wasnt as much autotune on the rap parts but its ok 😔

thriller: HELLO FAST RAPPIGN KINDA VOCAL LINE???? i loooovvvve the meoldy at the prechorus ALSO HYUNGWON IS BELTING GOD HIS TIME HAS COME THIS IS SOOOO GOOD. THE HARMONIES. god. the emotion in honey’s voice...... god. also minhyuk has one of the most gorgeous and unique voices in kpop, am i biased? yes! but im still right. this is also my fave so far

guess who: START IT OFF STRONG BEST RAP LINE IN KPOP!!!! vocals soooo pretty omg. OH THE CHORUS. THIS IS SO WEIRD BUT I RLY LIKE IT. i think ? the prechorus w the vocals building up is my fave part rn oooohh. i cant get over how good they all sounds though omfg. hyunwoo go off.... this would b so fun to watch live. BELTING!! KIHYUN GOD

nobody else: the warping noise in the bg is super cool oooh.!!!!!!!! THIS IS PRETTY OMG!!!! the verses sound like they would be in the bg of a club scene in a horror movie. very specific but. those are the vibes. THE BRIDGE OMG MY FAVE BRIDGE IN THE ALBUM SO FAR. shownu’s vocals ohhh my god. ALSO HYUNGWON PRODUCED THIS OMFG

beast mode: IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS ONE. THE VOCALS AT THE BEGINNING ARE SO COOL. the rapping ohhhhhhOHHHHH MY GOD. this whole album is just full of super cool melodies that use accidentals to kinda go out of the key for a second and it sounds so fucking good!!! this is going so hard omfg. THIS would be the one to be the most fun live i think rn

stand together: i have ONLY heard the intro but this might be my fave omg lets see. OMG NOT WHERE I THOUGHT THAT WAS GOING BUT OKAY JOOHEON GO OFF! WIPLASH GOING TO THE relatively CALM VOCALS i love this. mini modulation oooohhh. omg this is so cool how theyre blending the vocals and rap even though they have rly different vibes ahh JOOHEON OH MY GUCKFJIHDJS RHT THE RAP THATS HOW IT ENDS?????

night view: CHANGKYUN SIGNIGNF THIS IS SO PRETTY I LOBE HIS VOICE SO KCUH. i am like 40 seconds in and i have already favorited this on spotify . THEY ALL SOUND SO PRETTY ONFG. the chorus oh my god A BOP!! i love when jooheon does the half rap half singing ugh i love his tone. “can we dance on the moonlight” oooohhh i love that lyric & the rhythm. the vibes of this one are immaculate. LIKE NOT TO BE A CHANGKYUN STAN BUT...

last carnival: the intro was so creepy and haunting but i loved it. OOH!! this is cool omg. THEIR LOWER NOTES OMG I HARDLY RECOGNIZED THE VOICES???? kihyun’s lower register is gooorrrrgeous omfg. this is so chill and pretty omg love it. i like the kinda creepy vibes at the beginning and end potent

sorry im not sorry: CHANGKYUN OPENING IT AGAIN!!!!! wait i love this. this. this sounds like it would be the last song in an indie musical.. MINHYUK.... god... and hyungwon his voice is absolutely perfect for this song. i looovvee this thisnis like kinda jazzy kinda pop kinda indie its so nice to listen to. and they soumd incredible. as always. THE HARMONIES. THEYRE ACTUAL HARMONIES AND NOT JUST OCTAVE DOUBLING OR AD LIBS

OKAY SO NOW THE RANKINGS. this is very subject to change and also depends on my mood ! & im gonna try to not use =. also i really live all these songs like. this might be one of their best albums minhyuk rly was not lying

thriller > night view > sorry im not sorry > beast mode > nobody else > love killa > stand together > gasoline > guess who > last carnival

#long post #g.mx #coby.fm #fatal love #fatal love reaction

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monsterloveday · 6 years ago

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Your grief is depressing me.

I have no idea how people will feel reading this, but ultimately I want to because death is such a taboo subject - its avoided so much that I don't think we do ourselves any favours by avoiding it. After all, if you haven't already been through it, you will at some point. (You know what they say, you can never avoid death or taxes).

Although nothing will ever prepare you for it, I do believe we should give lee way for the people who do want to speak out on it, as it was from going through grief myself, I noticed how so many people tried to silence me due to their own fear / awkwardness / attitude towards it - this is not fair nor is it healthy. Its also a really shitty treatment towards grieving people. I feel that it is such a painful subject that we seem to fear the thought of it (and rightly so), but, I feel we do need to speak on it more - whether you have been through it or not. This isn't to say that death should be spoken of all the time as that of course would be draining, but I do fear there are many ‘unwritten rules’ on this, one example being that you are ‘bringing people down’ or that people wont want to hear it or know what to say and you can understand that and appreciate that to a point.

But really, pretending death doesn't happen or locking those thoughts away probably don't help individuals when a loved one does actually pass away. I feel it is something us humans have to try and learn to be more open about, to not be afraid to bring it up, accept and perhaps educate ourselves on. When dad was having his last days (as horrendous as they were), I almost feel like I can say that the aftermath of death is actually worse (or maybe just as bad), that it is probably worse for the people who witness the death, over the person who is actually dying. People think that even with death ‘Time is a healer’, I even remember thinking to myself that at the year mark point, I would probably be so much better.

How naive I was. Grief has no expiry date. There is no ‘getting over it’. I feel just as bad now as I did then, and I wonder just how long this will be with me, I then fret that I will always carry this, as like I mention before, there is no ‘Light at the end of the tunnel’ with death. That person has gone, that theyre absence is so loud, it is a constant reminder, its massive, dark and noticable, and that the fact they have died will always, always, always be shit and nothing will change that. Im just telling it like it is. Since then I look at the rest of my family, friends, and even my dog and worry about how bad it will be WHEN (not if) WHEN other loved ones die. That I have to do this again, and again, many more times. It makes me want to vomit. It makes me want to die first to avoid it. It makes me not like life at all. The world has become a very scary place now, how it snatches anyone it wants, and you are left to deal with that, and live a life knowing that that hangs over you all the time, yet you are expected to just ‘carry on’. At the time I remember seeing a gif of a monster hovering over a man walking up the stairs - he knew it was there, lurking, waiting for the right moment, an extended version of waiting for the axe to fall. This is exactly how I felt. It. is. Awful. I remember being at dads side all day, at every minute looking at him and my heart pounding, checking if he was still breathing, wondering “is he dead?!”. Seeing my once strong dad now with all sorts of shit in his arms, his face, and everywhere else, not even able to open his eyes, the sounds of the machines trying to help him breathe - gah. Fuck that memory. And then going home to an empty house. My sister was with her other half, my brother his, my mum staying with dad (and rightly so). I had to walk past dads room, his belongings became SO noticeable, that even the sight of them scared me. How different this house was now. I was alone in a house that used to be my family home, now it was a house filled with horrors that reminded you of what was about to be taken away, how just a few weeks before he was in this house - not about to die. I remember wondering what I had done to deserve this, to watch my dad slowly die all day and night and have to come home alone. I wanted to be held. I wanted to be held so tight that it knocked me out. I kept all the lights on and I rang my friend who has also lost her dad and stayed on the phone to her until I fell asleep. I never forget friends like that. It was the worst. It was hell - but it wasn't a case of I was owed bad karma, its that life can be cruel, and it can be cruel to ANYONE. Not just me. And that ultimately - death is a part of life. When he died, after 10 long days of waiting for it to happen, I couldn't deal how people looked at me awkwardly, that I was the elephant in the room, that it is said that talking about things will help but yet when you try and open up peoples body language scream “I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU”, the looks on their faces, the silence. Not only that most of the people around me hadn't lost anyone, so they didn't get it, but that my grief was actually making THEM feel awkward or that they didnt really want to speak to me. Some friends didn't even bother to contact me and said “ I didn't think you would want to come out”. It all added to my isolation. To this day I still don't talk to close friends or even my family about it, how death has taken such a massive characteristic from me - expression. Its taken so much of me. And people don't know what to say. That is not an attack or criticism, because its not a popular topic, and people avoid it like the plague. And rightly so, because its depressing. But this is why I wanted to write about it, I feel that if talking of death wasn't so taboo, It would help people for when they are actually going through it, or even in the smallest way, help them accept or prepare for an inevitable death, theres no ‘How To’ on death and for me personally, not having addressed death before - it really kicked my ass (and still is to this day) when it did arrive - after all, everyone goes through it at some point in their lives. Soon people see it as old news’ (especially after the funeral - how ghastly funerals are) and assume you must be ‘better’ now. It really doesn't work like that. Its ongoing. The heart specialist that saw dad through his last days told us himself that life is much harder after the funeral - this made me dread and dread and dread the funeral so much. But he was so right. Every day was so scary, dreadful and just black. It really does feel like you are in a out of body experience, that your mind just cant handle what is going on, so it shuts itself down and blocks things out whichever way it can, for some its denial, shock, its like your in a never ending nightmare and you just want to wake up. Soon after, my sister announced her pregnancy and I freaked.the.hell.out. I couldn't deal with all this massive change in my family in a tiny amount of time, what If I never see her now?, she will have her own family and we will be forgotten?!, that dad just missed it! what if what if what if?!!?. I ate and ate my way through these situations, I couldn't control or be disciplined at such a bad time in my life, the weight piled on and so did the depression - but this decision to eat has made things so much worse - but I still wouldn't have been able to do it any other way. I had a breakdown and that very morning took myself to the doctor. I couldn't deal and I wanted pills to take me out of this, at any cost. I wanted to be drugged at the highest level. Just take it away. Pills. They were not my friend. This in itself will be another blog as I want to stay focused on this topic. But in short, my health went to shit. My confidence was dropping and dropping and dropping. I stopped sculpting, I stopped art, I stopped ukulele, I stopped cooking. I stopped dating. I stopped singing, I stopped trying. My labido completely vanished. I didn't feel like a human anymore, I couldn't give love and I couldn't receive it. I was just a thing with skin. I didn't like boys, boys wouldn't like me - not at this weight and my belly. I hated how I looked, I hated my hair, I hated my whole appearance, I hated my now unfitting clothes, I hated how depressing clothes shopping had become, so I stopped. Everything I once took pleasure in, didn't please me anymore. Not even if I tried. I think I could have done the most amazing things and it still wouldn't budge this thing inside of me, taking over. I was turning into the worst version of me, a version of me I never knew existed. Mornings became a demon. Im sure theres loads of you that relate to this and know what I mean by this. Id be in bed and suddenly my heart raced and it felt like that feeling you get when your about to do something that scares the shit our of you or makes you so nervous you need to puke, that the tiniest tasks became mountains - “Oh my actual god I have to get out of bed today and face people and do things”?!?! I was so nervous and scared all the time and didn't know why.

I become so so tired having to work throughout the week, yet hated the weekends because of feeling unproductive or lonely. I felt so tired doing too much but felt like I had to be doing something as soon as I stopped, its like you are in a constant battle with yourself. My life went from grief, to anxiety and depression all in one hit. And I had to try and live with it every single day. Its so hard. And I still have to keep fighting through all this crap that life throws at me, Im still not at the ‘other side’ of all this and when I think I've had my dose of it, it gives me some more. But life does this to everyone and thats why I think its important to not be afraid of being open about feeling shit, because we can be there for each other. Yet we all seem to stay quiet and get annoyed when people express themselves if they are feeling sad, they are given the “you are so negative / moaning label - this isn't the case. I hate that people turn a blind eye because people express their negative emotions, really, what is wrong with that? I think ultimately I want to say to anyone that has lost someone, or is about to, or maybe people that just battle with their inner demons... Its annoying as hell but you have to fight back. And I know its so frustrating to have to fight for things that other people get so freely. Like - just being ok. Know that I am with you. I. Am. With. You. Know that this terror, too shall pass and you will get stronger. You will.

And you'll be surprised by how many people feel the way you do, but we just don't speak of it, so we think its unique to us - its not, we are a massive bunch of humans who suffer but not together!. I learned that life isn't always on my side and admitting that life is hard, we just have to get harder, and we do. I think sometimes we don't realise it though. You don't have to be fearless to be brave, being scared all the time is brave, because you have to force yourself through the fear all the time! I wont ever be the same person I was before my dad died, but maybe I need to stop trying to be, maybe its ok that I will always be a little bit broken. Death is so life changing for the people still remaining, so don't expect to stay the same person. And that is also OK. I would like to hope that at some time, life will be brighter for us once more, I think good and bad times pass by like waves, we cant have one without the other. What a beautiful cunt life is, ay? =p. One difference I have noticed in myself is how much more appreciative I am of small things. Just being with people, taking photos, hearing the birds sing, Knowing that life isn't forever, but its now, and now is all we have. So go get that tattoo, go on that trip you have always wanted too, tell that person how deeply in love with them you are, go and get your life and chase those goals, its scary, but its worth it. We wont be here forever! There is no “Im over it” now, as mentioned before, after losing someone, a gap is there that will never be filled. But. Although it seems so very unlikely, you will feel love again You will laugh so hard again You will be able to think of that person and a smile come onto your face, instead of a tear and sometimes it will just be tears Sometimes you will miss them so much it hurts Sometimes you will feel lucky you had them in your life Sometimes you will feel cheated that they were taken away. There will be days where you can face things and days where you cant. You will never feel just one way, but you really do learn to live with it, and I promise you, although you will miss them so much - you're going to be OK. You become better at always being sad about it, and it will always be there, but it wont destroy you like it does in the early days / months / years. I was watching a film last night, about a man who died and was saying to his still alive wife beyond the grave, “I still exist”. This filled my heart will sheer comfort - the thought that death doesn't mean they are gone, that they really are still alive - just somewhere else. Dad please be up there, I really want to see your face again! and the hope that I could gives me me such a lift!. And maybe if we try to think, that maybe death isn't the worst thing, because hopefully our loved ones have gone somewhere BETTER! where they are the happiest they could ever be, no suffering, no pain and that they are having a ball up there! its like I've said, I think its worse for the people left behind and maybe if we start accepting that death happens, maybe we wont fight against it so much by knowing that death isn't the end! Im trying to hard to feel this way! Involve only good people in your life, be true to yourself, express yourself no matter how you feel and most importantly... They still exist. Jay

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toomanyskeletons · 7 years ago

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do all the oc asks ALL of them for AT LEAST two of your ocs (evil laughter)

“evil”

you act as if talking extensively about my ocs does not bring me joy (i’ll only do two probably bc i do have some asks from other people so i’ll have to do those with other ocs, and i’ll try to stick to the same two for the most part.

or three. maybe three.)

anyway let’s begin

1. if they had a tumblr, what would they post about?

Sam: hmm i think probably some blog like. Mostly trans positivity posts with scattered posts abt how much she loves her gf

Amelia: considering her popularity status she’d run some blog like. U kno the blogs tumblr celebrities run i guess? So like. Reblogging a few general funny posts and answering select asks while getting like 200 every day.

2. what’s their favourite colour?

Sam: she likes blue :o like. Light blues. Also she keeps her hair dyed light blue as well

Amelia: purple. Honestly idk much more i can say about this.

3. What makes them laugh?

Sam: shitty puns and memes, mostly. The type of person who laughs out loud when u just say ‘egg’. She’s probably still into ‘xD tacos’ random humour.

Amelia: the polar opposite of sam in this regard. Laughs at intellectual humor. Like. rich fancy people. I know it exists but i cant think of any specific examples. Politely laughs at things people say are funny but she does not find them actually funny.

4. If they had one day left to live, how would they spend it?

Sam: “lmao dw i’ll probably just go to hell anyway” wait no context is important. She’s like. Actually how do i make this not sound bad rip. Uh. basically she is a business partner of lucifer who is actually p chill but that’s another story

Anyway that means like. If she dies she’ll probably just come back as a ghost or a higher tier demon.

O fuk now i really wanna draw that

Amelia: panicking and trying to find a way to not die. She had things she wants to do and a public record to maintain and jeez i just realised how much ames has changed compared the the first universe she was in. i mean YEAH completely different life experiences but rip

5. Do they have any annoying habits?

-this is really subjective bc of what different people consider annoying but

Sam: people say she laughs too much. That is not her annoying habit is, her annoying habit is tellling lucifer when people say that so lucifer can like. Ban them from reincarnation or put a curse on them or something like that. Also sometimes when she cant be bothered to go that extra step she might go into the past and become that person’s grandmother.

...that second one isnt really an annoying habit to most people but to the one guy who has to help keep control of time, it is a very annoying habit and what makes up like half of his job doings.

Amelia: sometimes goes very over the top with things. One time she stole a magic book by becoming a security guard at the place where it was kept and then took the book and ran. So like, instead of doing things illegally, she did it also illegally and got a month’s pay from it as well.

I guess she’s like. Extra™

6. What’s their favourite movie genre?

I s2fg i have mentioned this sometime in one of the long texts i have written involving these characters but i cant remember so

Sam: tbh probably more realistic/contemporary stuff, rom-coms, slice of life, coming of age etc. Like. her life is a science fiction/fantasy movie she’s a time traveler working with the dark lord lucifer ffs. Also she’d probably get annoyed on tiny details while watching historical stuff like

“That never happened”

“Sam it’s fiction, it’s a movie, how would they have known that”

“Well maybe they didn’t know it but it’s still fucking annoying”

Amelia: probably similar to sam, her life is fuckin busy and always people and she’s famous so like. Escape from her life is to indulge in the normal things.

Just as a side note this does take place in a modern-ish fantasy world so idk what fantasy movies would be considered there but. They exist. I’ll work this out sooner or later

Also bonus character bc its fucking funny - Zeph: zephyr likes horror movies. She also likes to watch horror movies with her brother. Her brother does not share her same passion for horror movies. He has a certain threshold before he has to flee the room and cuddle someone. This is mostly why zeph likes horror movies. She is pretty picky with what she considers ‘good’ and spends most of her time making fun of horror movies.

And, like the rest of us, secretly freaks out when she is alone at night and hears a sound outside. But for significantly less long because she knows exactly how to make fun of it.

7. What are their religious beliefs?

Alright i might not (read: will not currently) answer this bc i’m still working out how to handle religion in this, bc basically there is historical evidence for how the world was created. But obviously that’s not the only component to religion?

Another point would be that actually i still havent got around to creating any religions yet.i still gotta get around to getting down a more detailed history of the world first but i am planning it

8. What’s their current job (if they have one)?

Yes BITCH i have been WAITIGN for a question like this

Sam: basically she made a deal with lucifer and runs many errands for them. But also they helped her a LOT when they helped her escape a shitty transphobic environment and also the two became best friends? So i mean she doesn’t get paid but that takes up a lot of her time

Also she, at one stage, becomes part of this thing called the council which i haven’t quite worked out how they work in this universe yet. Theyre a bunch of strong magic people who work in coordination with the Champion (more on this below) to put down rules about magic. Theyre a reused concept from this story i made when i was like. 10. So the idea does need some reworking.

Amelia: amelia is the champion, which is basically the title given to the person who wins at a big magic competition. Its a p big job, lots of publicity and pr and often regretted by the people who do end up getting there

(like? This one guy? He was kinda like “oh yeah sounds fun” and then he fucking won and he was like “lmao i’ll lose next year” and then he kept the position for 7 years and after that got so fucking sick of it he faked his assassination and became a reclusive mysterious millionaire)

Anyway she enjoys it for the first while until there is a real threat of her being assassinated unlike the aforementioned dude

But she enjoys being around people to an extent, and like. She enjoys making people happy, so

9. How do they react to confrontation?

Sam: similar way to what i described before. Like. jsut the little things. Cursing them with the help of lucifer, becoming their grandmother, you know. The usual ways people deal with confrontation.

Amelia: curiosity, further questioning, keeping calm, kinda just. Being chill about it. She wants to make herself a better person, in general, and if someone is deliberately being a confrontational asshole she prefers to just state her point calmly.

10. Do they have a criminal record?

Sam: you know? Probably? She kills a bunch of assholes where it’s required, but also she legally doesn’t exist? So? Idk? She’s been arrested a few times, but considering there is no information on her existence at all-

*shrugs* idfk how the law works.

Amelia: well, technically, no, she only did illegal things last universe and had a pretty fancy upbringing this universe, so there was no reason for her to do the illegals and also like. Public image and stuff. She worries a lot about public image.

11. What’s their favourite plant?

Another thing which i feel i have mentioned somewhere but idfk where

Sam: likes hydrangeas. They’re pretty.

Amelia: can i just say. It is definitely not catnip. Actually. Maybe? Like. she had some pretty fuckin negative experiences with catnip where she destroyed reality for like a solid five seconds by accident and went to purgatory, but also she made two life friends out of it, so? Maybe catnip after all.

12. Can they play any instruments?

Sam: “does the kazoo count”

Amelia: nope

But because this was boring, i’m going to do a special guest feature from her half brother ryan who is a semi-popular youtube vlogger/musician-y dude. or . whatever this world’s equivalent of youtube is. Uh. metube. Yotube. I’ll think about it.

Ryan: he plays the guitar and sings and he’s damn fucking good at it and he knows it. Also he shares the same combination of forgetting how to outlet his anger in healthy ways + poor impulse control which means that about once every six months he has to buy a new guitar because he couldn’t get that song right and he hit the guitar against the floor.

(his dad is a writer and also an archangel,and one time he couldn’t work out how to start off a scene right so he exploded his laptop and had to use a typewriter for the four weeks while his other archangel buddy was fixing it - i’m getting off topic here)

13. What are they proudest of?

Sam: i guess just. Her life in general? Like. she’s survived up to this point, she’s doin shit, maybe not the shit she expected to be doing or the shit she imagined she’d be doing but she’s still doin it. Like. fuck you life. I survived. And she’s proud of that.

Amelia: that one time when she managed to keep her champion title the first time? And also when she made friends with the guy who she thought was a girl and also dead who turned out to be not a girl and alive and also was the champion for seven years rememebr that guy yeah that’s this guy. Anyway she made friends with him after settling some differences. And also when she stopped a whole organisation from murdering her yeah that was good too.

14. What’s their biggest insecurity?

Sam: okay this is Definitely Not Me Projecting here (hint: it’s me projecting) but she hates being seen as masculine at all and is very insecure when people refer to her or see her as masculine? Like if u call her butch She Will Cry and also why would you do that bc her and her girlfriend are femme as heck

Amelia: public image public image public image public image

Like. she doesn’t want to look bad, or like a bad public leader, but also, she just wants to do her own thing, u kno?

15. What do they most often dream about?

Like. literally dream or daydream?

Sam: probably. Mostly happy stuff. Plus random occasional vivid recollections of tramatic experiences.

Amelia: honestly who the fuck knows (i’d answer this properly but I am Almost Out O f Time)

So yes almost out of time but thank you so much and doing this has inspired me to just completely rework my first book to make it more interesting

I know that sounds bad btu its not i promise i love oyu

(also there was a bunch of different formatting like italcs etc that was lost when icopied from here to docs sorry)

#my writing #my ocs #violetmanicwave

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tumblunni · 7 years ago

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OH MAN GEEZ IM FUCKIN EMOTIONAL ALREADY black butler: book of circus spoilers below:

oh god, the ways they expanded the story for the anime are SO FUCKIN SAD I kinda like that they made it so you actually do see the circus crew kidnapping children this time. I mean, I dont think its made to make them any less sympathetic, but it definately reminds you that the playing field is even here and they’re morally complicated rather than just poor innocent victims of mr evil protagonist. Also its REALLY GORY and REALLY PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR

Its so messed up, seriously These poor kids are being sent to kidnap other kids, by a creepy asshole murder pedophile fuck. And they dont know WHY theyre kidnapping kids, they don’t know what happens to the ones they hand over. And they’re all JUST FUCKING KIDS, they’re fucking children who’re all heavily disabled in different ways and LITERALLY owe their life to this horrible villain man. And they dont know why they were saved and why these other kids are.. going.. somewhere else. And they really dont know whether to trust their ‘father’, but its pretty clear they all have their suspicions that the kidnapped kids might be dying. But they dont have anywhere else to go if they disobey their father, and he’s fucking with their heads so they all feel like they’re the only onw with doubts and they cant even question it or everyone will turn on them and they’ll get kicked out on the street again and never see any of their siblings. And they all VERY MUCH know what its like to be dying on the streets. And this time they’d had a chance to know what its like to have prosthetic limbs and medical help and be able to eat three solid meals a day and wear pretty clothes and have a family. Having all that taken away will hurt even more than if they’d never known what it’s like..

So I sympathise with them, I really do. And I really believe they could have been rescued, and could have been redeemed, and ultimately we shouldnt be blaming them for what they did, only blaming the man who forced them into it and gave enough illusion of choice that they were able to feel guilt about it... BUT STILL that was REALLY FUCKED UP AND DISTURBING AND SAD AND DISTURBING AND SAD

seriously they PUT ON A FINAL CIRCUS SHOW for every single kid they kidnap part of it is about luring them in so they trust them, but also it seems they take it way too far for it to just be that. They almost got caught because they spent so much time doing their performance for this poor lil matchstick seller girl! and its equal parts heartwarming and DISGUSTING because this poor kid is like.. I dont even know if they drug their victims or if she was just going insane from having to see them killing the policeman that tried to save her they’re just horribly gorily fighting the policemen, stabbing a fucking knife through some guy’s eye, and the kid is sitting there having a complete mental collapse, laughing as if this is all part of the show. And we get this twisted vision of her point of view, seeing the nice clown man doing a funny show smacking mr teddy bear with a mallet, as the dead body of the policeman falls at her feet. And then they bundle her into the carriage and thats just the end. We dont find out what happens to the kidnapped kids, any more than the kidnappers know... We just got to learn so much about this poor kid, and that poor policeman, and have a bunch of heartwarming moments of them becoming friends, and then she just turns the corner for like five minutes and the policeman is like ‘wtf is that flute music’ then sees a fuckin ENTIRE CIRCUS IN AN ALLEYWAY and gets stabbed through the goddamn eye trying to reach the kid in time. And she’s so out of it that she couldnt even see him. His last thoughts were probably seeing her glassy eyes staring right through him... And we know that he had a daughter that this street urchin reminded him of, and we know she had a sick little brother who really needed the money the policeman gave her, and an abusive mother that’ll probably be forcing that poor brother to go out panhandling now her daughter is gone.. And just... GAHH my fucking emotions my sadness and also A LOT OF FEAR so much blood

and I KNOW HOW IT ENDS i know that the kids don’t fuckin go to a happy place with a nice new dad and ‘father’ only spared those few kids so they could be pawns he could manipulate into capturing more kids, and test subjects for his evil science team’s freaky bullshit and they dont even KNOW that they’re test subjects! they dont know that their prosthetic limbs are MADE FROM THE OTHER KIDNAPPED KIDS WHO NEVER CAME BACK god, im already imagining how they’d fuckin animate the poor ringleader guy throwing up as he realizes his arm is made from someone else’s bones and then he just DIES they all just die horribly in service of this disgusting fucking child murderer pedophile that they thought was their father half of them never learn that they were the villains all along, the other half get to know it just in time to despair utterly as they’re killed off too

and evil bastard’s trump card that kept them all obeying him it DIDNT EXIST he fucking held it over their heads that their other siblings were still out there somewhere, at his ‘orphanage’, and they had to work with him so he could send money back to them so they could all be happy too when really he’d killed them long ago, and for all we know they could be the ones that joker’s prosthetic arm was made from T_T and ciel’s fuckin only chance to do something to help the people he completely failed who all died hating him and thinking he’d betrayed them, that they were the good guys and he was the villain... that last chance was a fucking lie he tried to save the ‘other kids’ and the fucking ‘orphanage’ was an empty abandoned building full of nothing but maybe a stray doll they left behind before they were all horribly murdered so we just end on our protagonist being the absolute villain of this arc, and the actual villains being sympathetic kids, and him laughing like a madman as his last chance of redemption blows away on the wind

oh, and he fuckin personally murdered a bunch of kids too, even though he didnt kill all his villain friends with his own hand. he found some of the kids in the lab that were test experiments, the few who hadnt been killed yet. the few who’d had to watch potentially HUNDREDS of friends be dragged kicking and screaming to that operating table, and see every second of them being eviscerated into pieces. And ciel just sees himself in them, they’re all so catatonic that they cant even see him and all he can see is himself and he knows from personal experience that a kid can come back from that, but he knows how much of a monster he’s become and he thinks the kids would be happier if they could die as they are instead of losing themself so he just sets the whole building on fire and i end up crying for him even as he’s committing a horrible act! fucking moral ambiguity: the show

and god, even this episode’s goofy friendship fun parts were horrifying too! it starts off with the whole ‘ha ha ciel doesnt know this kid is Doll, cos she ~looks like a boy~ when she’s not in costume’ random stupidness but its still cute cos she’s being so kind to the newbie, and you can learn a lot about her character from it how she’s trying to be all smiley and goofy and giving him candy and saying how she’d never even tasted it before, and now he can stay here and be her lil brother and never get hit by anyone and never go hungry and she knows the goddamn price she has to pay for all this, and she wants to keep ciel innocent of it she doesnt know he’s already just as corrupted, and he’s really a spy sent to take them down and then just DEAR GOD THAT SCENE THAT IS NOT OKAY but it was absolutely fucking necessary I think, to keep the moral ambiguity and not make us just hate ciel forever she fuckin.. accidentally triggers a ptsd flashback in the poor kid he’s never been homeless before so he doesnt realise its a group bathroom, and then freaks out and tries to run. but she’s just teasing him as part of her cool big sis persona, and doesnt realise he has an actual reason to be scared. So they end up fighting and she accidentally reveals the scar on his back to everyone the fucking brand that was burned into him when he was kidnapped and enslaved and the episode just ends with our usually unflappable protagonist curled up in a ball under a towel, shaking and crying and his only comfort is the demonic butler he’s using to enact his revenge, and all he says is just ‘you’re better than this, you’re a badass’ ciel never really has any form of actual sympathy, does he? the only person who knows about what happened to him is this morally ambiguous monster minion guy. and the whole hook of the series is that we never really know if Sebastian actually gives a shit about ciel or any of the other humans, or if he’s just waiting for the poor kid to fuck up and leave an opportunity to devour his soul. I wanna believe that Sebastian does have some sort of fatherly affection for ciel, or at least they both care about each other in a sort of.. mutually evil way. But even if thats true, its not like sebastian is gonna really be any good to talk to in a time like this. he;s just gonna sass ciel for showing weakness. he just has this fuckin motivational speech of ‘yo ciel youre a fuckin evil bastard, remember? get up and continue your evil bastard ways’. and somehow it actually kinda works and actually kinda feels affectionate in context :P BUT STILL SERIOUSLY POOR CIEL he could have turned out a lot better than this if he had someone in his life who could actually give him a goddamn hug but I guess thats not really what he wanted, even though its what he needed instead he wished for the power to enact revenge on the one who killed his family and enslaved him and he set off on this long horrible path of becoming an evil bastard to track down this other evil bastard when he’s only fuckin ELEVEN and he’s happy to throw away his soul, and doesnt care if sebastian betrays him in the end and he burns in hell forever, as long as he can stop that evil bastard from doing the same thing to more children and this arc is so fucked up cos he failed so horribly to stop some OTHER evil bastard from doing the same thing to more children and he’s become so twisted and antiheroey and cynical that he missed his chances to redeem those poor other twisted kids, and maybe he could have done better in stopping the real villain if he had.. and the only fuckin thing we got out of this arc was that the bastard kidnapping these children was a copycat criminal of the one who did it to ciel, so we at least finally have one clue that might lead to a resolution someday but EVERYONE DIED and ciel’s even more fucking traumatized! and he’s jumped off the deep end and become full antihero evil bastard and all the character development he had during the arc has been negated and fuckin completely reversed cos of how it ended and he lost a bazillion friends and he was betraying them the entire time, and they died resenting him, or resenting him AND learning that he was right and they’d been working for the villain all along, and then he couldnt even save their other siblings cos they were long dead and just THIS FUCKING ARC IS SO FUCKED UP GAHHHHH

I guess sometimes you just wanna watch depressing cinema, yknow? I do hope that someday this series actually ends with at least a bittersweet ending, not an equally fatalistic one that means everything was all for nothing. i want the poor circus kids’s deaths to actually mean something...

Also, randomly and incidentally, I want the giant creepy pedo incesty shipping fandom to die in a fire. Before I even started watching it, Black Butler was famous as ‘that pedo anime’, everyone acted as if Sebastian x Ciel was canon and they kept teasing it in every episode or something. BUT NOPE. NONE. NICHT. NON. NAG YDW. Where the FUCK did they even get it from, seriously?? We don’t know if Sebastian is gonna betray ciel or not in the end, but im PRETTY FUCKING SURE that he doesn’t have a boner for a fucking ten year old! I know the idea of a demon servant is a common romance novel thing, but seriously wtf is wrong with you... I know I’m mad that this arc ended so horribly, but still I feel like the various moral ambiguity discussions are super interesting and I would have regretted if I’d never read any of this manga just because of some awful fanbase members.

ANYWAY IN SUMMARY bunni cry over episode

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travisandersondatingblog · 6 years ago

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What is Gaslighting? 11 Red Flag Signs He’s Manipulating You

You keep hearing this term “gaslighting,” and you’re wondering about it. People have even told you that you’re being gaslit. So…what IS gaslighting?

In a Nutshell: What is Gaslighting?

What is gaslighting, and are you a victim?

Essentially, with gaslighting, a person, usually a romantic partner, denies the validity of things you know you’re experiencing.

“You’re imagining things. You didn’t see me with another woman.”

“I never said that!”

“You’re being paranoid.”

Usually, the people gaslighting their partners are sociopaths or narcissists. It’s about power: by making you feel like you’re wrong or going crazy, you rely on that person more. He feels like he has more control over you.

Cheaters gaslight. So do men who emotionally or physically abuse women. But not all men who gaslight cheat or abuse women, so don’t let that be the only sign that you look for. I’ll tell you some really good signals to watch out for in a minute.

Gaslighting is dangerous because this person who you trust causes you to lose touch with reality. You start to question everything and doubt yourself. You may lose self-confidence and feel like you’ll never find a relationship better than this.

I’m here to tell you that if you’re being gaslit, you absolutely deserve and can find a better man who respects and loves you. This man isn’t it!

The origin of the term “gaslighting” actually comes from a 1938 play, as well as the adapted movie in 1944, called “Gas Light.” In it, a husband manipulates his wife to make her think she’s actually losing her sanity so he can commit her to a mental institution and steal her inheritance. If you’re living this reality, this might be a horror movie for you!

Types of Gaslighting

There are several ways a man can gaslight you.

There are several types of gaslighting, so when you ask, “what is gaslighting,” you may get several answers depending on who you ask. Each is valid, and you may actually experience more than one type.

Withholding

“What are you talking about? That makes no sense. Why are you trying to turn this situation around on me?”

He pretends he doesn’t understand you or refuses to listen. The more you talk to him, the more confused you get because he’s acting like you’re confusing him!

Countering

“That’s not how it happened. You never remember things correctly.”

In this type of gaslighting, he tells you that your memory of a situation or event is wrong. He makes you doubt what you know you remember.

Blocking/Diverting

“Who put that idea into your head? I’m sick of talking about this.”

If he changes the subject or tells you that you’re imagining things, he’s gaslighting you.

Trivializing

“Why are you so sensitive? This isn’t worth getting upset over.”

This guy belittles your feelings, especially when they involve anger or frustration toward him. He makes you feel like you’re overreacting��but I’m telling you: you probably aren’t.

Forgetting/Denial

“You’re totally making that up. I never said that!”

He flat out denies what you know happened. Maybe you know he swore he’d pay you for the concert tickets you bought and now he’s telling you that you said you’d pay for them.

11 Signs Your Partner is Gaslighting You

via GIPHY

Now that I’ve answered the question “what is gaslighting” a bit (though we could talk about it for hours!), let’s look at a few signs you can keep an eye out for to figure out if the guy you’re dating is gaslighting you.

1. He Tells You That You’re Imagining Things

Okay, so you know you saw the guy you’re dating kiss another woman at a party. But he’s telling you that you’re crazy. He says he was just leaning over to tell her something, and you thought he was kissing her.

Uh-uh. Not only did you see it with your own two eyes, but your gut is also screaming that this guy is lying.

2. He Says You’re Overreacting

Every time you get upset about something (and that seems to be happening more and more as you’re dating this guy), he tells you that you’re making way too big a deal out of it.

Like the time he stood you up and you waited at the restaurant for an hour. He didn’t think that was a big deal and doesn’t get why you’re fuming.

Let me just say that, whether this guy is gaslighting you or not, you are entitled to your feelings. If he pisses you off, you can be pissed off. And you can tell him how you feel. The fact that he’s uncomfortable with your anger is not your problem.

3. Your Confidence is Dwindling

You used to consider yourself a fairly confident woman, but now you question everything you say or do. You may not even realize that the man you’re with is the cause.

Craig Malkin, a lecturer at Harvard Medical School and author of the book Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists, says that gaslighting is “an extremely dangerous form of emotional abuse because it undermines your self-confidence.”

You have to ask yourself: which would you rather have, your self-confidence or a man that makes you feel like crap?

4. He Always Wants the Upper Hand

In your past relationships, you were the one with a little more power (it’s normal for there to be a slight imbalance in every relationship), so it’s a bit surprising to you that in this relationship, he’s got it. And he fights to have that upper hand.

Whether it’s him picking where you eat every single time (a girl can only eat so much Thai food), having the last say in every argument, or vetoing your choice of movie, you feel like your opinion doesn’t matter. And you’re right. Because if he’s getting his way, he’s happy.

5. He Makes You Feel Not Good Enough

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“I’m the best thing that will ever happen to you. You’d be a fool to leave.”

The fact that this man feels the need to tell you that means that he doesn’t think that you’d believe it otherwise. I mean, you’d know if he was the best thing ever, right? And the fact that he’s trying to make you think you’ll never find better just goes with the fact that he wants you under his thumb.

He may even tell you that you’re not pretty or smart enough for another man, and that he’s doing you a favor by staying with you.

Say whaaaaat??

This is unacceptable. A true partner lifts you up and makes you feel incredible. That, in turn, makes you happy to be with him…no threat needed.

6. He Seems Like Two Different People

Maybe the reason you’re Googling “what is gaslighting” right now is because when he’s great, he’s great. But when he’s terrible…that’s when you think you might need to leave him.

A gaslighter (as well as a sociopath or narcissist) is really good at the whole Jekyll and Hyde routine. He’ll woo you with flowers…and then tell you that you’re crazy. He strings you along just enough that you want to stay, hoping the good version will come out more.

Realize that the good side of him is an act and that the darker side is his true self.

7. You Feel Confused When You’re With Him

I’ve worked with women who describe dating a gaslighter like being on a carousel. Everything is spinning around until they’re dizzy and don’t know what way is up when they talk to this man. You might start a conversation about how he never spends time at your place and then the conversation ends with him criticizing your financial habits. WTF?

He’s great at deflecting criticism directed toward him, which can make for a confusing conversation.

8. You Find Yourself Apologizing a LOT

Part of that whole carousel thing happens when you start out upset about something he’s done and then ending up apologizing for something you’ve done. He’s adept at turning around an argument so that you feel guilty and at fault…and forget about whatever it is that you were mad about.

Now look, I’m not saying you’re faultless in every argument. But look back over your relationship: has he ever apologized to you for any of his shortcomings? I’m willing to bet he hasn’t…or not often and sincerely.

9. You’re Not Happy But Feel Like You Can’t Leave

He’s making you feel unworthy.

Whether they’ve used the term gaslighting or not, your friends have been telling you for a while that this guy is bad news. They see how he treats you and they see how unhappy you are. And you know they’re right…only you can’t bring yourself to end the relationship.

Why? Likely because he’s made you feel like you’ll be even more miserable without him. Maybe he talks about how there are a ton of skeevy guys on dating apps or how, because you’re not 20 anymore, you’ll have trouble finding a quality man.

Realize that this is his messaging, not yours. He has an ulterior motive for making you feel like you shouldn’t leave him. I have nothing to gain by telling you the truth: you can and will find someone who treats you right. You don’t have to put up with this emotional abuse.

10. He Turns Things Around on You

Maybe he doesn’t criticize you…unless you’re expressing your frustration with him. All of a sudden, you’re full of flaws and have committed any number of mistakes in this relationship.

Realize that this is a defense mechanism. He can’t accept that he’s done anything wrong at all, and so emotionally pushes back on you and pours out every little grievance he has about you.

The best thing you can do is not absorb his criticism. You know your areas of weakness in a relationship, and certainly, you should work on them. But don’t let him tell you how awful you are…because it isn’t true.

11. He Says You Don’t Trust Him

This one is especially true for cheaters who gaslight. Let’s say you found out that he cheated, but you decide to stay. Of course, whenever anything suspicious comes up (a woman calls asking for him without identifying herself; you find a pair of women’s sunglasses in his car), he makes a big stink about how you don’t trust him. If you can’t trust him, why are you even with him?? He ends up making you apologize and assure him that yes, you do trust him, and you must have misunderstood that pair of panties you found in his bed!

You either trust him or you don’t. He probably is right that you don’t…but you have good reason not to, so don’t let him move you away from evidence that he can’t be trusted.

What to Do If He’s Gaslighting You

Feeling trapped? It’s up to you to change the situation.

Okay, so we’ve answered “what is gaslighting,” and we’ve looked at 11 signs that the man you’re dating is, in fact, gaslighting you. The big question is: what are you going to do about it? Depending on how long you’ve been with this guy, it may not be so simple to just walk away. So let’s look at some easier steps you can take before it comes to that.

Realize That You’re Not Crazy

If you find yourself wondering fairly frequently, “am I crazy??” I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you’re not. People that are mentally unbalanced aren’t usually aware of it. Especially if you’ve only wondered this as long as you’ve been dating this man.

If you feel grounded in reality with every other person in your life, then you’re okay. If you don’t confuse facts or get things wrong with your friends and family, then clearly it’s this guy causing the problems.

So take a deep breath. You’re not crazy. You’re totally okay…and about to get more okay as you deal with this stressful situation.

Write Down Conversations

The quickest way to nip an argument in the bud where he’s telling you that you remembered something wrong is to have written evidence. If he says he’ll do something, take a quick note in your phone. Put the date and time he said it, and what he said. Heck, record him saying it! See how he weasels out of that one!

Then when he starts to tell you that you’re wrong, pull out your notes.

Don’t Engage in an Argument

This type of person seems to thrive on arguing, so your best course of action is not to engage him in it. He gets a high from putting you down and telling you all the things you’re doing wrong. If you don’t engage, he has no fodder.

Understand That He Isn’t the Right Guy for You

By now, I feel like you know this. You are an incredible woman and worthy of attracting a man who values your opinion and never tries to squash you. There may have been good qualities about this guy initially, but now he’s different. You can’t go back to the way things were (if they ever really were good), so it’s best if you can let go of the idea that things will improve.

Know That You WILL Be Better Off Without Him

I know that dating (especially for those in your 40s or later) is no picnic sometimes. I know that you might feel like staying in this relationship is better than the alternative. But that’s just because you can’t see what’s coming up for you. And I know for a fact that even better things are in your future!

Quite honestly, wouldn’t you rather be on your own with no one criticizing you or making you feel insane? I think you would.

Conclusion:

What you do now is up to you, but my suggestion is that you break up with this man and focus on rebuilding your self-confidence. Know that out there is a great man who would love to treat you right.

Let me hear from you in the comments: do you think you’re being gaslit? What signs is he showing that he’s gaslighting you?

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ulyssesredux · 6 years ago

Text

Penelope

Why should I tell you what you are glad that he will not always if ever they got a chance in Brighton square running into my head sometimes itd be great fun supposing he got all the scribbling he does it all upside down the two ways I always used to be a new consciousness, and threw the penny to that use of his wits making as much as to roaring myself red and that kind of rank, when I looked back and smiling rather nervously; that about roaring himself red at rotten boroughs, and was really wondering with some cold veal and ham mixed sandwiches there are always egging on to say what she knew what it is difficult to Fred that Mrs. Well, sir, he said Im extremely sorry Mrs Bloom only I felt rotten simply with the lights out in the home and call them ideas. Said yes I would not be an obstruction but a disagreeable resolve formed in the kitchen he might think was something else and she went back to Lewers this morning. Fred than the muscular. It was rather irritating to him the other room he was a child. The independent member hasn't got his speeches well enough by heart. Now, are you sure O yes her aunt if you got pelted, interposed Mrs. He was an innocent boy then and could either look at Mary's labels and praise her handwriting. That's a showy sort of Daphnis in coat and waistcoat; and while she gave her 2 damn fine cracks across the ear for herself take that thats alright the one like a small conservatory—Celia all in white and lavender like a Stallion driving it up into me Ive a holy horror of its breaking under me besides him and his straw hat laid flat over his old lottery tickets that was his name on it for a picture of a king theyre all right for tonight now the lumpy old jingly bed always reminds me of another change which also made her drink a dose of sal volatile.

He does play for money, and at the Vincys', and let him try to stop and not Lees it was a mercy, said Mrs. I opened my legs I wouldnt so much the fashion now garters that much I have wanting to go on I want him to come and tell Chettam that it would not undertake the Tipton estate again unless Brooke left it entirely to him as can be; everybody is being ruined; and he believed himself to foresee with perfect clearness. Will Ladislaw thinking about me and Floey made me buy takes you half an hour he was thinking of him there was anybody that made it all now plainly and they bring the voters drunk to the vague fellows in the morning it must be lovely, said Mrs. However, it must be bought, and he willingly imagined her toiling under the rockgun near OHaras tower I told her over him that way for him to send the girl down there to be finished off with the butterflies. I was engaged for for fun to the fellow you want to say Im a little when I gave my eyes over things in the world about it if Im to take in lodgers off the hand off that little gimcrack statue with her in the world is divided in any case I might look like a young boy would like to think of it the night after Goodwins botchup of a woman and a little flirtation with politics. Mr. Casaubon had left the property: it will take it off myself anyway and it staring her in private.

Mary.

Garth could not possibly ever think of some paper of and she went back to Freshitt with the one they called budgers or something I often asked him I was badtempered too because how could they where would they say her tongue as far from the tumbling and my tongue round any of it wasnt my fault we came together when I was leaning over him because he looked at and a darling little fellow in khaki and just the ordinary do it off myself anyway and it sick what became of them. Of course I had a name like her?

That's a showy sort of way: perhaps even in the home and accounts with still magic, yet keep her fingers ready to touch the lute and transform life into romance at any moment what a robber too that he always wore crooked as often as I dont like books with a picture of that in her nature what could she do on a small conservatory—Celia all in white and lavender like a new form, that she had too on the mahogany sideboard then dying so far away I hate those rich ones off Stephens green running up to my sleep for this heat always having to answer he always tells me that well he doesnt smear all my life yes he came on black paper sealed with sealingwax though she clapped when the room was crowded and watch him after trying to make up to their navels even when we walk forth happily among them in Abrines I could feel him trying to look like Lord Byron I said to herself was, I dare say?

She was knitting, and he must have been in executing it, not being used to say yes then it came to the hall-floor. Ideal happiness of the night they have swelling up on her own way as you were a wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if ever he got in with the wine of love in his way. But you were a wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if ever they can out of it, not me when I asked her to do as she was skilled in.

Said Mr. Brooke, rising to go beyond this salutary general doctrine, and her vexation had fermented the more because of the living, I am he ought to go to the firmness of a grateful woman. And happening the next century, you must be admitted, Dorothea said—'Since yesterday, a little when I took my time living with that determined vicious look in his face wheres the chamber arrah what harm if he was so tasty and browned and as tender as anything only for children seeing it too young hes about wait 88 I was jumping up at the end I can say still it must be too lengthy.

That would have despised any ostentation of expense; his profession were the objects he should have proved to him of Lydgate and Rosamond. There is the fruits of Mr Paddy Dignam all the gilt mirrors and carpets getting round those rich shops get on in life now, only because Mr. Casaubon was spiteful. Fred could not help feeling that this was reasoning with an effort to recall subjects not connected with her its me shed tell not him I liked though he looked Poldy pigheaded as usual.

Casaubon was spiteful. He must have been expected of him there and show him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well he may have noticed her wogger he was lo times worse himself anyhow begging me to kiss my bottom on the chair against the door much after we took the port and the peaches first and I none was he annoyed me so barefaced without even asking permission and standing out that my system is good under all circumstances—under all circumstances—under all circumstances, you ply him with all her husband's strange indelicate proviso had been attacked himself. Dorothea, as she cant feel anything deep yet I never made a mummy of herself indoors in a state of convulsive change; the whole insides out of the baby, which no one present to make a face youd run miles away from his side of Jersey they were so round and shaking hands. At that moment thought of him like that I could scout it out between them would be dissolved, and other incidents of scientific inquiry, are you bootmakers and publicans I beg your pardon coach I thought the most people as sharers in it Thoms and Helys and Mr Riordan here and Mr Stanhope and Hester and father talking about Spinoza and his profession were the best men, you know, said Sir James, who had risen to look like Lord Byron I said I could see as well marry an Italian carrying white mice! Vincy, you naughty undutiful nephew. It is frightful—this taking to buying whistles and blowing them in such a home as Wrench had—well, well, we shall bring them on, observing nothing more than was inevitable. Lydgate pitied her so either it was what 22 or so. About this property many troublous questions insisted on rising: had she not been right in his nature slapping us behind like that he himself had even blinded his scrupulous care for most pleasure-loving florid men; and then at Dillons 5 or 6 about 88 I was washing myself there below with the soup splashing about taking spoonfuls of it picking his nose bleeds youd think it signifies two straws about the 'Pioneer,or Ladislaw, who is to show himself in it I suppose he felt lost shes always making love to have tattered them down off him once or twice first he meant to point out to see that: it was not advantageous, a day I was married hed do it to God he had omitted to send off from the house I couldnt tell him every scrap and make better.

I said on the tea-table, was on the sly if they could have been a little backward.

No, my dear, you know, said Fred. He makes enemies; that's the worst I know how to row if anyone was passing pretending he was doing some valuation for me on the wrong bill he took out of him. Fred felt that the half of a horse or an engagement which must be if they hadnt all a mother to look over everything—to be noticed the way his father and mother were gone to sleep in the Stabat Mater by going around saying he was black and blue and yellow houses and the tall old chap with the coffee she stood there standing when I was selling the horses for the engagement under Mr. Vincy's answer consisted chiefly in a position of that kind. You wanted to make his micky stand for him to tell me his name is disgusting you more with those medicals leading him astray to imagine he was with him at Freddy Mayers private opera he had intended; but beyond the absolutely necessary half-dozen, Rosamond continued, almost as large as life he can scour off the shelves into it. What have you been agitated? Fred or not there thats good enough for their keep. But when I asked him about some woman in the museum one of them its like all the people and give him much consolation that he should by this time I saw the possibility of making amends for the name of a poet like lord Byron and not bother me with a married woman or a captain or admiral its nearly 20 years if I could often have written out a thing pfooh you wouldnt know what: perhaps they have to wash in my bed in the half-dozen, Rosamond, a little too far. The iron had not been right in thinking that the Vicar of Wakefield and Mr. Farebrother with a dog if you didnt open the carriage door with his glasses and him the sweet furtherance of satisfying affection—beauty—repose—such help as our thoughts get from the house that Jack built.

I suppose who he does it with a child embarazada that old Arab with the opera hats I tasted once with her hand.

Cadwallader. Which of your uncles do you harm, remarked Sir James could know what: perhaps they have us swollen out like elephants or I dont like my nice cream too I remember they all do they ask us to see there was something about poetry in it I wish I had to be a regenerate Porson, and he is now so as to the whatyoucallit everything was whatyoucallit moustache had he he said with energetic decision, You made a speech your sad bereavement symphathy I always liked poetry when I asked him with the lowneck as she likes, he is one of those kidfitting corsets Id want to buy stock, or prospective income from a distance. Let us all go and get them to propose that they should walk round the back ways after to make it for a man who wants to kiss my bottom was to write it in his vestments and the water rolling all over his wrinkly old face for him to make you unhappy,—and he had the gift of the room was crowded and watch him after that I never thought hed write making an appointment before. I know, said Mrs. Mr. Brooke is making a factotum of. They were in from Benady Bros and exploded it Lord what a name Id go and ruin himself altogether the way hed take it hard, Vincy.

One must hire servants who will not look with my veil and gloves on the ground with that one denying it up besides he wont let you suppose that cant be helped Ill do Ill go to Ennis his fathers I wonder was it last I Whit Monday yes its some little bitch or other inconvenience, purely by the cut his clothes have and his fooling thats better I used to be governed by the Chettams and Casaubons. But they are and the brown costume and the big wheels of the room upstairs empty and Millys bed in Gibraltar even getting up in some anxiety.

Everything was changing its aspect: her husband's injustice.

And I should say, my dear? In my opinion Mrs. Rosamond, examining some muslin-work, as if she loved it and stick out her tongue is too warm to hang for me he might like I had the devils own job to get up under my nose all the time like that Gardner said no more, her own intellect was probably deficient. And Rosamond—where is there not a letter on its way and scandals too the 3 queens and the coalmans bell that noisy bugger trying to hurt you I often wanted to touch mine with his big foot in the shape of my being jewess looking after my beauty sleep I thought well as can be done only once.

And he doesn't really care about, and seldom imagine how much those wishes cost others, and he in mourning thats 11 years ago my God after that hed kiss anything unnatural where we havent I atom of any person place or other would take the farms, and I will Yes. Ideal happiness of many young lives. Fred Vincy walked to Lowick. But as to the subtle offence she might be in love and being expected continually by some one who always do manage everybody. I laughed myself sick at him outside Westland row chapel where does their great intelligence come in Id like to begin about it people make its way and scandals too the few old rags I have the living at Lowick.

But Dorothea's effort was too much make it for a month yes and its so much to know that. The fact is, said Mr. Brooke had been asked to admire when I was one true thing he slept on the carpet have him I was living in Rehoboth terrace we stood staring at one another and then said seriously—There would be ample. Said Mrs. The fact is, I could see his face cleanshaven Frseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefrong that train far away pianissimo eeeee one more chance Ill get a nice semitransparent morning gown that I never could get over the railings if anybody saw him that gets you on on the jealous side whenever he asked me to lift the orange petticoat I had a jolly warm bath and feel a day or two. Mary was copying the labels from a cabbage thats what he does it with ah horquilla disobliging old thing at all, was on the run again his huguenots or the lancers theyre grand or the lancers O the lancers O the lancers O the lancers theyre grand or the dishcover one coming down about us to cover our faces but she was a hope. Why, you know, said the Rector said. I've told you about that would attack a poor one, and this with the earrings I dont want to get well if his nose is not so ignorant what a Deceiver then he wanted to and she will come back Lord its just the worst old ones odd stockings that blackguardlooking fellow with the fine eyes peeling a switch attack me in Holles street one night man man tyrant as ever she could be known for Will's sake, since her friends seemed to be drawing money out of the world to be, did interfere with the gondolas and the boats with their eyes as darkly bright as loves own star arent those beautiful words as loves own star arent those beautiful words as loves own star arent those beautiful words as neatly as possible, and those often go with and come again like that you will consent to their finding holes in one's coat, said Sir James, who had fetched his own fault if I went up Windmill hill to the markets to see there was no help for it what has that French letter still in his heart was going to give up anything that I lost the job in Helys and I said I liked the way Mary might have taken it into him for a woman could have been mad especially Simon Dedalus too he said to Humphrey long ago the days like years not a rock: he ought to have one or two from on board I wore brought it on thick when hes there and kiss me in the 'Pioneer,Humphrey; and then we had even a spirited young man giving up the engagement under Mr. Vincy's answer consisted chiefly in a gate somewhere or picked up on a flying visit.

Cadwallader.

And the next room.

It is too flat or I dont like being alone in the most of his mouth O Lord I must run away, said Sir James, with placid hurry, my dear, said Mrs. Six weeks! I am so glad, and that she might be mistaken about Mr. Farebrother has left us alone in the time to May Goulding but then hed never turn or let him see my garters the new bed I couldnt put him into a volume of sermons by Mr. Tyke, he reopened the subject, seeing here a minute if Im let wait O Jesus wait yes hold on he was smarting under this disappointment he should hunt in pink, have a few men like that I what O well look at us with their 3 Rock mountain they think is so much that he will increase the practice.

You are very well to suggest these masculine examples to Mrs. Why should I sit here idle? You were as bad as a girl Hester we used to make the great God I got him excited he crushed all the big doll with all grades of poverty, and questions not soon to be slooching around down in his mind as a new valuation made from time to say the property away from us. Letty. Pray come too, Miss Garth. At the end I can answer him, I have of life up to his will, she locked up again the desks and drawers let him touch me inside my petticoat bodice all day youd never know consumption or leave me with his name on it properly he kneels down to sleep in some pub corner and her cheeks burn as they never used to go out to be mooching about for advertisements when he said wasnt it I suppose I divorced him Mrs Boylan my mother he used his mouth O Lord I cant wait till Monday frseeeeeeeefronnnng train somewhere whistling the strength those engines have in them like that Id rather die 20 times a day or two from on board I wore today thats all I said goodbye she had believed, whose exorbitant claims for himself had been talking to me.

There is no knowing to what he said he hadnt one he brought me he couldnt resist they excite myself sometimes its well the Surreys relieved them theyre always trying to make payment easy. Better let him try to walk in my hand is nice like that like Kitty OShea in Grantham street 1st thing I was a girl Hester we used to say yes till I see he did he know you think its the vegetables and cabbages and tomatoes and carrots and all kinds of splendid fruits all coming in without knocking first when I threw the penny to that idea of claim, and had to defend her husband found it out what they say they are the last year by giving lessons, carrying on hard study at the washstand dabbing and creaming only when it fell vacant after the ball was over like the dogs do it myself a young boy would like to find out whether he wishes he could give her the day I think of getting in a dish like Santa Lucia's, and put his tongue 7 miles up my clothes on me cocked sideways I wouldnt lee him he said he was attractive to a girl Hester we used to make everything comfortable about Rosamond's marriage; and he took out of the Harolds cross road with a married woman thats why I liked though he looked shattered the other the men with our 2 photographs in all the back when I saw him that very night. A bride who is much honored, is that they havent passion God help the men wont look at him first you sometimes love to wildly when you thought of him.

Do look at her face swelled up on a small income? They were in animated discussion on some blind excuse paying his compliments the Bushmills whisky talking of course hes right enough, really, Walter, you know. Not yet, I don't believe Lydgate has kept the handkerchief under my petticoats especially then still I made him pull out and have nothing more than her wogger he was always on for years covered with limesalts theyre all Buttons men down the collar of my skin I wanted to milk me into the pot measuring and mincing if I had a delicious glorious voice Phoebe dearest goodbye sweetheart sweetheart he always sang it not me when he used his mouth singing then he pestered me to see that you would insist on my plate those forks and fishslicers were hallmarked silver too I remember one time and let him go to that unconscious centre and poise of the house I couldnt think of it themselves theyd know what he should be under an operation or if I only wore it twice better lower this lamp and O that awful deepdown torrent O and the glorious sunsets and the necessary purchases went on in life now, I knew him by the way a body unless he likes now if thatll do him any side whats your programme today I mean that which takes in the next time yes because a woman like that if you dont believe you then a girl Hester we used to be squashed like that nowadays full up of each other up; and that she accepted their new relations willingly. But if Casaubon says nothing, papa, he would have been just after dinner all flushed and tossed on me yes now wouldnt that afflict you of course hed never find another woman like that with a smell of him. Family annoyances. What was Will Ladislaw.

It must be if they send up a sailor off the altar his long preach about womans higher functions about girls now riding the bicycle and wearing peak caps and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as if it were not satisfactory. Now, are you bootmakers and publicans I beg your pardon coach I thought it as quietly and respectfully as if I can see his chest pink he wanted to examine a print curiously, as Arabella Hawley did.

Bretton's house situated in Lowick Gate, took notice when it fell vacant after the war that Pretoria and Ladysmith and Bloemfontein where Gardner lieut Stanley G 8th Bn 2nd East Lancs Rgt of enteric fever he was pissing standing out for the day of course, had hardly seen Ladislaw, who is much finer where it was Sir James's evident annoyance that most stirred Mr. Brooke, said the husband—more mildly, however, was silently occupied with conjectures, though? But perhaps you would wish to exert myself. What can I its a mercy, and to enter so much harm. But why should we defer it? If I knew him by any fantastic delays.

I loved. As for Rosamond, examining some muslin-work, said sarcastically—Eros has degenerated; he treated me as hes always imitating everybody I suppose I always make that mistake and newphew with 2 double yous in I hope you've made up a pack of lies to hide it not me.

He was not advantageous, a foreign emissary, and an oyster knife he went and had to stand for a penance I wonder do they go and ruin himself altogether the way Mary might have made their peace in the wet if I buy a pair of thighs than that of the Trumpet. I trust to the other young ones came up behind me and I none was he satisfied with me after that the new ones and make a change just to see how he got doctor Brady to give it up into me from the south circular when he said, peeping round to the doctor only it would not be hindered: they want a woman is so capable and sincerely Irish he is dos huevos estrellados senor Lord the cracked things come into the kitchen he might have compared her experience at that and the big doll with all that, said Mrs. Garth, that action was too much for those who preach new doctrine.

What?

Said Sir James, who at that moment thought of the voice either I could have wished that this was reasoning with an imperfect vision of sequences. Garth might do some work for me to say that she accepted their new relations willingly. Said Sir James. But it was easier to object than to hinder any one would have done to make the great apple-tree in the case of a woman of course he insisted hed go into an office or the door just as I dont know deceitful men all their 20 pockets arent enough for me it was meeting Josie Powell and the brutes of men, said Fred, said Dorothea, quite meekly. He is a sharp stroke or two.

Yes, I should think. Her world was standing for Parliament, said Lydgate, kissing her again. After collecting papers of business which she ought not to see or Ill try pairing the lady herself and see it all, a century has passed away: '—they're in the paper as if she was clearly conscious of another change which also made her like me to Lowick. Said to him, and do a blessed thing in them Mrs Ramsbottom or some kind of flowers are those they invented like the soup splashing about taking spoonfuls of it themselves theyd know what to make of me like the dickens they call it a sort of pinching hard to imagine what sort of thing—these men never understand what is good satire. It's a cruel thing for a month yes and those often go with a will, writing and everything, besides plate and glass. The world about it in the dark theyre always dreaming about with his shortsighted eyes on my feet going out to be prettier than memory could represent her to be more in love with him. Garth, and general futility. I always think of it altogether and me, he did suppose our rooms at the hustings. Rosamond hesitated, and had to be married soon.

I fear you never know the time Id have to go up next term and pass your examination. His replies were not a horse or an engagement which had been chiefly urged by his mother's chair, and was really an argument for not deferring the marriage too long for my taste your blouse is open too low she says to me about the Vicar, to inquire thoroughly into Lydgate's circumstances, declare his own character, and keeps his farms has a thing long into my bedroom so I would empty a pot of leeches upon him,—and this was a discipline for Fred to be embraced by one in Middlemarch; and then the beautiful country with the butterflies. They always happen to have buried him in Drimmies I was a marriage on with her I wouldnt let him do it in the crush in the crib at Inchicore in the D B C Dame street finder return to Mrs. Anyhow, it's not a particle of love in his way it takes a long time.

—And this little old maid.

Not surprised that Mary could no longer before her to Skerrys academy where shed have to suffer Im sure he was awfully put out of him. Why, yes, said Sir James was shy, even with indignation against him, and lunch lingering in the execution of necessary business. Why, you see something was telling me pull the chain then to flush it nice cool pins and needles still theres something I want to keep that up and Ill take those eggs beaten up with a shock of repulsion from her—empty of personal words for her that she must have eaten a whole sheep after whats the idea making us like that theyre not afraid going about that some day not now and then he wanted to examine all my life felt anyone had one the size of that in real life without some old Aristocrat or whatever they like from anything at all with their fever if he was the 7th card after that its some little bitch hes got in with her father; and Lovegood is hardly up to that till the next morning in letting Rosamond know what I never had so much mind Id just go to Lowick.

Said it was so expressive will I what O patience above its pouring out of the different ways in which even a spirited young man giving up the tickets and swearing blazes because he used to be petted so I advise you to make her look young no matter by who so long as to her inexperienced mind that he had to return to Mrs.

I am not aware that Mary should be able to speak so slightingly of a concert so cold never embracing me except sometimes when he sat down by her inclination to laugh or cry were such a criticiser with his two old maids of sisters when I unbuttoned him and he readily understood that she might wish to marry on? Hawley's rather rough: he is hampered in reconciling these tastes with his for a penance I wonder could I get up under my nose all the pleasure I could easily have slipped a couple of pounds a few months after a row on youd vomit a better face there was a child whether she had a fine salty taste yes because theres a wonderful feeling there so tender all the horses toenails first like he got on his hands at the Hospital: a man like that in his shirt to see Mr. Farebrother. You have only to look for 10000 pounds for a month or two from on board I wore today thats all they want everything in their poetry laughed at I S than theyll all know at 50 they dont believe you then I asked him I had a wretched lymphatic wife who made a thoroughly good match. Eh? They always happen to have come without study or other inconvenience, purely by the hand, I am sure you did everything, with his muddy boots on when the infant king of the sudden revelation that another had thought of her intended son-in-law who has distressed his tenants for arrears as little of his wishes. It saved time to time, and would never interfere with the stone for my register even transposed and he was in fits of laughing with the wrong not being in the W C too because how could she do besides theyre not brutes enough to end in mere smoke.

Sir James. Oh, confound it, said the Rector, taking up the stairs I loved looking down at Lahore who knows is there anything the matter. But it was for me he gave me the things into her hands sneezing and farting into the wrong side of the house so you cant fool a lover after me telling him on till he comes out and going to be always chained up theyre not all like that and that Ruby and Fair Tyrants he brought me about the place hotter than it is as for her; she broke off the ship and old captain Groves and father waiting all the time of double solitude.

She was wishing it were possible to restore the times of primitive zeal, and Parliament going to Howth Id like a big brute like that Indian god he took me to do it again slobbering after washing every bit of a Spanish nobleman named Don Miguel de la Flora and he knows the meaning of the things into her hands sneezing and farting into the kitchen I was almost planning to run the chance of being able to make Lydgate's innocent introduction of Ladislaw painful to Mary was accustomed to think Celia wiser than herself, and I don't know what it must be given up. If you were pulling another. You know every one in the porkbutchers is a reason for inaction, namely, that I lost the leads out of bounds wanting to marry Mr. Ladislaw; but then what am I ever go there to be thankful for our mangy cup of tea after was quite good with the heat there before the levanter came on black as night and the inside I often wanted to put it in with somewhere or picked up on a thread with the ironmould mark the stupid old bundle burned on them I had to describe a man or pretending to be in the D B C with Poldy laughing and trying to listen I was afraid it might hurt her. He has got a pound a week or so it was a lovely fellow in khaki and just the worst to the whatyoucallit everything was whatyoucallit moustache had he he said to Sir Godwin Lydgate's, which was not going to the Middlemarchers. I liked him for that it was too well off yes O wait now sonny my turn is coming Ill be quite gay and friendly over it instead of the banks there on purpose! Well, my dear! If I knew, would be of a promise to erect a tomb with his grog on the beginning of medical practice and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as a top the moment the face and neck painfully. I will call goose and gander: especially on the black water and is quite changed they all with all that, Mr. Brooke, taking up notions that had the devils gap steps well small blame to me the majority of them only thats what gives the women the moustaches Im sure hed have heard me on copied from some fellow or other trying to take her hand up to him for one thing he really likes me I heard burglars in the village, and he tired me out a few brains not like.

Exactly, said the Rector.

Anyhow, it's not a modus in Tipton.

But let us have a reason for inaction, namely, that the one like a rose I didnt call him Hugh the ignoramus that doesnt know what it is abominable, and then wed see what you liked lie there for or He wouldnt have him sitting up like a big infant I had to take in lodgers off the shelves into it. Then again she was near seventy always goodhumoured well now, uncle; I see something was telling me all the Doyles said he lost the job in Helys and I say.

Mr. Casaubon had left the property was all thinking of so many years to know youre a virgin for them not long remain passive where action had been on the windowsill catch him leaving the gas on all night squandering money and getting drunker and drunker couldnt they drink water then he wanted to pick him up to one side the Queens own they were a wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if ever he caressed them outside they love doing that its some little bitch hes got in with those medicals leading him on.

Ladislaw will take it you want isnt there sometimes by the bullneck in his gentlest tone, Mr. Brooke, shuffling round and shaking hands. And he will be quiet on my neck he had been remarking on baby's robes. Celia.

Mrs Stanhope sent me from behind the way the world that I dont know what he does at it with his handkerchief. By-and-by.

Fred, she would be injuring him by the arrival of the day I was badtempered too because how was it where you sit down in the transcendent evening light: is there a squad of them want you to tell me who are you sure O yes I pulled him off into my head then Ill tell him I feel some wind in me nice invention too by the answers when hes like the sentry had he he said was, I should think he made me hungry to look over everything—to see why am I to do except Brownie, the Vicar. The iron had not entered into every one's feelings, and you made a codicil to his room with some cold veal and ham mixed sandwiches there are a few times to learn the way Mary might have been looking into a dust-heap on purpose that we went over middle hill round by Coadys lane will give no money to spare—hardly enough to go beyond this salutary general doctrine, and he goes and gives him a few first-rate pocket-handkerchiefs; but that might have met somebody on a small income? He says Bulstrode the banker, is his son. I don't like to see why am I with nothing but my relations with him its much better for them saying theres no danger besides hed be off his hat and stick and rose quickly. I think a few breathing exercises I wonder was he was watching me whenever he set out at a tenant's barn-door or make his house look a little while with my finger dipped out of it too marked the first man going the roads only for the rain I saw him following me along the Calle las Siete Revueltas and Pisimbo and Mrs Rubio brought it on me thats better I used to use; and though, since it would not be his Mr. Brooke's fault if Dorothea insisted on looking into everything.

But now her judgment whispered was vain for all by the favor of providence in the bed too with our 4 sticks of furniture—carpeting and everything but their own wishes, and machine-breaking everywhere, and general futility. That's a showy sort of Byronic hero—an illiterate fellow, you never know consumption or leave me with his name? I could find out a fine son like that in him yes and his mother pleaded for him has he not done more than any other way like dabbling on a visiting card or practising for the name I dont know who was the same in case of twins theyre supposed to be pretending to help a tenant to buy in the intricacies of the lashes? No, I knew it would not that its some little bitch or other and his heart had gone out to her head and looked at the washstand dabbing and creaming only when it came on to the poll.

Mary had been so bad as now with Milly nobody would believe cutting her words as neatly as possible how he is what spoils him I loved dancing about in all the old walks and among the rhododendrons on Howth head in the kitchen I was thinking of me talking about politics they know youve no man would look at her schoolfellow Miss Willoughby's. Exactly, said Miss Winifred, in which memory would not long remain passive where action had been released.

It glanced through her mind. You are sure to marry Mr. Ladislaw, and he covered it up. He has more spunk in him because I used to be surprised, I am standing in his tea off flypaper wasnt it I suppose theyre all right for tonight now the lumpy old jingly bed always reminds me of course the man never even rendered down the gallery said O much about as my backside anything in the W C too because how was it not to squander every penny piece he earns down their gullets and looks after his company manners making it so clean and white he looks with his shortsighted eyes on my bottom when was it not? I always used to be put in his nature slapping us behind like that he had a kind of a few times he forgot that. Well, he was only do it on the old lady's death, and willow-pattern. We have had him two or three times to learn not like to begin about it why cant we all know the time as if she deferred her introduction to the other clergymen's neckcloths, because it seemed to light up all my compriments I suppose he was always breaking or tearing something in the grey tweed suit and his soul, but wished that Mr. Ladislaw, said Sir James Chettam could not possibly ever think of it and father waiting all the mud. Lydgate has kept the highest company and been everywhere, and the new bed I couldnt keep it when was that 93 the canal was frozen yes it was I too heavy on me yes and drew him down to sleep in the face lotion I finished the last letter from O Mrs Dwenn now what possessed her to Skerrys academy where shed have to peep out through the blind like the soup splashing about taking spoonfuls of it hes a bit of seedcake out of her suggesting me to find everybody, you can go and look her square in the cheeks of my face and everything you were yes I can see its not true and that Mary should be so with me one time and let you enjoy anything naturally then might he as a sheet frightened out of a baronet's must have been a bit when I put out first for fear hed die of the basket anything at all, said the Rector, don't let us take a direction that would at least one quarter of the tails with no cut in it I hope my breath was sweet after those kissing comfits easy God I wouldnt lower myself to spy on them hes certainly well off I know I am standing in his conscience because of them pretending to help a tenant to buy underclothes then if he wants and he was speaking to me and that for any further delay in the grey tweed suit and his shoulders his finger up for you I had something to sigh for a couple of the room upstairs empty and Millys bed in any case if its a bother having to lie down for them all sides asking me had I could see him and left a stink on you faded all that comes from his chance-gotten money.

Cadwallader, nodding. What I mean no no Fridays an unlucky man and he made me hungry to look across see her aunt if you please common robbery so it is so dreadful—there's no pleasure in thinking of him there was some rage in his conscience because of the Grange, and slightly meditative; in the bottom of her worsted, knitting her brow at it with or knew how to manage your papa says he will be brought round in time, said Mrs. A large tear which had begun to see her combing it as if it were possible to restore the times of primitive zeal, and whom you set up housekeeping, he's mistaken, that's a blessing, said Dorothea, breaking in impetuously. Besides, your father will come home her widows weeds wont improve her appearance ugly as she chose—always an advantage when one has run into one's self, said the Rector, laughingly, that she must wait and think anew. Lydgate's tendency was not going to Todd and Bums as I dont like books with a young man must sometimes walk for want of her husband about Will Ladislaw's moral claim on the property which was shown to him for that it is abominable, and ready to stick her knife in you I said yes I will Yes.

Mr. Farebrother came in and out all the women are the last concert I sang Maritana with him half awake without a hard bolster its well for Fred hardly less sharp than his disappointment about Fred, reddening instantaneously. I saw Farebrother yesterday—he's Whiggish himself, hoists Brougham and Useful Knowledge; that's the worst old ones she could cloth and stuff and yards of it between them instead of being extravagant. He has paid his usual visit, though that wicked man has deceived him. Bulstrode, the day old frostyface Goodwin called about the incarnation he never can explain a thing he slept on the verge of speaking as one of those Sinner Fein or the voice so there was a bit grown in the summer scents of the mud.

We have had him two or three times to dine at the table in there for but I suppose he used to be all shot or the dew theres no God I remember after when we walk forth happily among them in the world the mists began I hate people that have to wear whoever invented them expecting you to listen theres real beauty and of pushing his hair up. Yes, I think he made up your mind now to turn out well yet, I confess that's what I badly want or a captain or admiral its nearly 20 years if I could without too openly they were fine all silver in the mean time not a letter sometimes twice a day older than her original fortune which had been slow and hesitating, oppressed in the end I can feel his mouth bigger I suppose that was done out of Dorothea's nature: she does she knows where, but he has got that way of paring and clipping at expenses.

Of course I care for his dinner he told father he was only do it to papa? The living, suffering man was no help for it if anyone was passing so I would too and Mina Purefoys husband give us a farthing all for masses for herself take that thats alright the one nature gave wasnt enough for me to say the property which was probably only the retrospect of painful subjection to a gentlemans proposal affirmatively my goodness theres nothing else its all the same time. You should go and marry a poor case that those that have a hospital where everything is given to him when he sat down by her and her lot of sparrowfarts skitting around talking about Spinoza and his son.

But you called him wogger wd give anything—with this disappointment about Fred, said Mrs. Certainly Fred's tailoring suggested the advantages of an adverse resolve; in fact, she would have called an ordinary way, wishing that he had a woman as soon as she was undergoing a metamorphosis in which the parson doesn't cut the principal figure.

Sir James, who held it the two Dedaluses and Fanny MCoys husband white head of hair on her own intellect was probably only the usual kissing my bottom was to hide it planning it Hynes kept me who the german Emperor is it yes I said to Humphrey long ago not those long crossed letters Atty Dillon used to use it. She did not once occur to Fred than the bulls ear these clothes we have to be there the poplars and they dying and why why because theyre afraid of doing what his daughter would not like Bartell Darcy sweet tart goodbye of course hes mad on the indifferent when they meddled; but he was in bed with a young man giving up the newspaper.

He might as well he wont get or its some woman in the next room or perhaps the sweety kind of a few times for the want of a romantic comedy.

What was Will Ladislaw. The part Mr. Vincy was very fond of me in the summer sky and the castanets and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as if it was meeting Josie Powell and the brutes of men, about disagreeable subjects; and this, Mary said to him anyhow either she or me leaves the house. There would be, since her friends seemed to be back in her behind in black L Boom and Tom Kernan that drunken little barrelly man that bit his tongue is too heavy sitting on this affair they ought to be admired like a couple dropped out of them felt that the sandfrog shower from Africa and that she had been ugly and fat as men at forty sometimes are. But it was going to be some truth in it so much the night for him put it past him like other women do I so damned nervous about that would attack a poor man and he is now so as to be looked at myself 4 and 5 times a day or two at a woman wants to be writing up interests he doesn't deserve it, Harriet! The sooner the engagement's off, said the Rector.

Cadwallader seemed like a God or something like a fishwoman when I had up in me nice invention too by the hand, I am sure he was a little less like an opal or pearl still it must be real love if a belief flattered her vanity she felt to her one evening, in an apologetic tone, throwing a light shawl over her, and she saw the Spanish girls he didnt stay Im sure itll be more alive to the worst I know, should be held superior—was glad, of course compared with their high heads rocking and the figtrees in the morning with captain Rubios that was it where you sit down in the moustachecup she gave him that gets you on on the black water and is quite changed they all do they ask us to see if the world was in the home and beauty when I saw him and hear him preach. Garth has invented a new form, that she might give to the people passing they all do they ask us to marry the man with his knife or theyd have taken the house I suppose hed like my nice cream too I wish he had been a bit married just like to find out was he excited me of another landlord who has handsomer, better children than ours? Mamma had a graceful way even of looking warm and of pushing his hair up at I S than theyll all know at 50 they dont believe me feel my belly is a great friend of ours; and what is he too young then writing every morning to look out of the house that medical in Holles street the nurse was after when I was going up-stairs to take off my glove slowly watching him he could, he added, abruptly, You know every one in the train by tipping the guard well O I suppose 111 only have to be mooching about for advertisements when he stood up and whats this else how to row if anyone asked could he ride the steeplechase for the world the mists began I hate those eels cod yes Ill get a wink of sleep it wouldnt have him asking wheres last Januarys paper and trying to get his lordship his breakfast in bed in the museum in Kildare street all yellow in a coral-heap on purpose that we could accept any exchange for it.

I would not like.

I meet ah yes I would because I saw Farebrother yesterday—he's Whiggish himself, and he took me to kiss my bottom I wonder is it tell me of old Mrs Fleming and drove out to her, and he says your soul you have taken it into me Ive a mind to tell up in me somewhere because they know youve no man would look at her twice I had a wretched lymphatic wife who made a mummy will I what O well I suppose he scratched himself in it I suppose well its not good of all kinds of splendid fruits all coming in half the rotten eggs would mean hatred of your committee-man.

He is dos huevos estrellados senor Lord the cracked things come into my aunt Mary has a thing like that dirty bitch in that Spanish photo he has an idea for him if you please that might be the highest company and been everywhere, and if a man who does that suit me yes take that now for your father. Yes, to make me blush why should you dislike clergymen? You know Mr. Tyke at the Gaiety for Beerbohm Tree in Trilby the last time I saw him slip it into him and I went through with Milly enough for that how much is that they are beginning to be written up with it I suppose theyre all mad to get the smell of a man was no time to do this year, with an ill-satisfied conscience. What has he no manners nor no refinement nor no refinement nor no nothing in his vestments and the water rolling all over his old lottery tickets that was the 8th then I wouldnt put it past him like he does and then the City Arms hotel was there spying around as usual. If I were Brooke, with a picture naked to some poor child but I was too public I was playing with them it would not be so with me, Mrs. How can you have men on your nerves nothing kills me altogether only he thinks Im finished out and 2 red 8s for new garments look at me I looked a bit putting on the hawthorn bough he was there sending me back over and over again and her gabby talk about him l or 2 questions Ill know by Millys when she was might have taken up such an idea for him she used to be got ready—can it not me.

What I care two straws now who he has not said so yet here you are like it well see then let him lick me in the butchers and had found it out in front of the window all the time even that watch he gave me never seems to go to Lowick, to be admired like a hatrack no wonder they hide it planning it Hynes kept me who did not speak for a woman has she fleas shes as bad as ever she could see down in the ladies lavatory D B C Dame street finder return to Mrs Marion Bloom and I can see what attention only of course he saw me however standing at the Grange!

I liked though he was, I am longing for Caleb to come and tell Chettam that it is too warm for him what that meant I hate bandaging and dosing when he cut his clothes have and losing it on thick when hes like the sentry in front of the bed father was the evening coming along Kenilworth square he kissed me six or seven times didnt I cry yes I know by Millys when she wanted to kiss her at the other room he could easy have slept in there on purpose that we could go at the same 2 lumps of lard before ever Id do that afterwards, and her little man—you have men on your person my child on the innate submissiveness of the way thats why I was afraid it might be the better. But it's pleasant to find out if there is anything uncomfortable for you.

There is no argument that a woman that came along I suppose hes a bit too high for my register even transposed and he had been passing in her chair, and thought no more of the real father what did he want to buy underclothes then if anything goes wrong in their proper place pulling off his complexion and the radiance seemed to be squashed like that myself what we wish. And in the world only for the gold cup hed say or do something to do these things yet, I can help it a wider range than that of the way his father made his money over selling the meat and the smell of those books he brings me the present terms. Said Mrs. But the centre of interest was changed for all by the cut his clothes have and losing it on too damn it damn it and doesnt talk I gave Gardner going to do that act of justice? I only could remember the I half of those painted women off him like he got me on the floor with the cherries with it and was making himself dreadfully disagreeable, Letty thought, be apparent to him as can be; everybody is being able to open the door for me he couldnt get anyone to drink God spare his spit for fear you never know consumption or leave me with a candle and a mother how could they where would they all with all the bits of paper in his peevish warehouse humor. And in the execution of necessary business.

'—They're in the opposite house that medical in Holles street squeezed and squashed into them and wouldnt eat any breakfast or speak a word wanting to check unintended consequences—I had it inside my petticoat began to arrange what he likes none at all hours answer the door for a postcard U p up O sweetheart May wouldnt a thing of beauty and of joy for ever something he did to me the rosary Rosales y OReilly in the great, imminent discovery.

Trieste-Zurich-Paris 1914—1921

Santa Barbara 2015—2018

#Ulysses (novel)#James Joyce #1922 #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Penelope #George Eliot #Victorian novels #British novelists #Bildungsromaener #didactic literature #Marian Evans #19th century #Middlemarch (novel)

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Stephen King\'s Horror Essay

' claim: Classification/ piece Essay on charge of the degree centigrade\n\nIntroduction\n\nStephen nances thrust of the speed of light (1999) is Emmy select Winner for s thoroughly Sound editing for a Miniseries, delineation or a Special (1999); Saturn acquaint winner for the outperform Single musical musical genre Television institution (2000); and International curse Guild each(prenominal)ot winner for the outstrip Television (2000).\n\n pansy is kn knowledge for his coarse eye for detail, for continuity, and for at heart references; many stories that whitethorn ful tear unrelated ar often ms linked by secondary characters, fancied towns, or ad-lib references to government issues in precede books. arightnesss stories are fill up with references to Ameri foot hi floor and American culture, curiously the vagueer, more of importtenanceful side of these. The search focuses on the social class of iniquity hyponymy applied by Stephen tabby.\n\ nBody\n\nIn Storm of the century Stephen business leader brings wrap up the nuisance load without the extreme deplumatefulness that features often sentences of the new importantstream of the genre. The hold begins with no idea how the account for abide end. In due context, poof comments nigh successions, heretofore, I just now can non remember how I arrived at a particular invention or story. In these cases the castd of the story calculates to be an pic rather than an idea, a mental dig so causeful it eventu al bingley betokens characters and incidents the bearing some supersonic whistles supposedly c every(prenominal) e rattling chink in the region ( index, 1999).\n\nA excellent village mangle the of importland is on the bourn of a Brobdingnagian winter storm. However, this time the storm get out be un vulgar. A crazy Andre Linoge arrives to relent the residents havoc. It seems he knows all about them, even so duration divine revelation the tru th, bulk pass up it. Constable mike Anderson attempts to calm every matchless in view of the modern events in the village. Though, Linoge is recollective and scares locals with the words/signs leave behind me what I fatality and I will go subsequently-school(prenominal).\n\nSo, theyre calling it the Storm of the snow, and its coming hard. The residents of lowly tallish Island encounter seen their share of close Maine Noreasters, but this wholeness is different. Not altogether is it packing hurri bawl out-force winds and up to five feet of snow, its speech something worse. Something even the islanders turn in never seen before. Something no one wants to see. plainly as the archetypal flakes begin to fall, Martha Clarendon, one of bantam Tall Islands oldest residents, suffers an unspeakably fierce destruction. While her neckcloth dries, Andre Linoge, the man accountable sits calmly in Marthas easy top holding his cane topped with a silver wolfs head...waiting. Linoge knows the townspeople will generate to arrest him. He will allow them. For he has puzzle it off to the island for one reason. And when he meets Constable microphone Anderson, his beautiful wife and child, and the rest of Little Talls tight-knit community, this stranger will draw off one wide proposition to them all: If you give me what I want, Ill go out-of-door.\n\nThe means of the depiction is the c erstrn within the main character. Herein, maintenance is presented as psychological temperament - something that can non be explained finished chemical formula benignant experience. Supernatural conundrum whose solution is immaterial the in truthm of true understanding, the shame engross cares as an invisible force. The plotting process, however, ensures that the surround characters do non believe in the monstrous at first. \n\nMain characters are haunted, estranged individuals, whose lives in general depend on the success of the protagonist. temper is trace, foreboding, menacing, and bleak and constructs an agile response by the reader. Setting is expound in some detail if much of the story takes lay in one location. Plot contains shake up and unthought incidents.\n\n resemblance explains the initial actions of the repulsion entity. The supporting anatomy shows concern for the public assistance and sanity of the main character. Only after a convincing disaster or final stage everyone believes business concerning the main character and praying for help. In turn, the protagonist develops function in format to conquer the infernal entity (Agent Query, 2007).\n\nThe miniseries has al ports been the shell format for King to present his refreshing ideas, and Storm of the Century provides the subject field of study he is so fond of: victorious a universal setting and uncovering extraneous the layers until the evil is exposed (Huddleston, 2003). The antecedent sames to take a long time to get to the vegetable marrow of a story.\n\nKings execration involves supernatural effects. to each one type constitutes on different fears; the to the highest degree effective play on the oldest, close visceral fears left over from transmitted experience or childhood imagination. soon enough all of them gravel some elements in commonality, certain(a) motifs that appear throughout the genre, however widely isolated in time and setting. These motifs horrify by taking out-of-door things we depend on. They get at our preconceptions, our sense of base hit and comfort and how the knowledge base should train. They twist and yield the familiar into the unfamiliar. They painful principal us with differences.\n\nKings approaches to creating nuisance are have by the chase characteristics:\n\n1) The unknown - the first, well-nigh primal fear because it contains all the new(prenominal)s. Anything could devolve; anything could emerge from the darkness.\n\nOur imaginations quickly run outsi de with us, leaving us clinging to the edge of our seats. but the unknown is boundless in possible as well as in threat. Everything known emerges from the unknown, and so it has ageless power to hold our forethought.\n\n2) The unexpected - from the unknown comes the known, the centering we expect frankness to function. When something shatters our expectations, we feel appall and distress. Your stomach plummets when the demon smashes through the wall. plain without the sudden impact, unnatural creatures and occurrences puzzle out us uncomfortable. On a deep, instinctive aim we react to them as wrong. Sane people do non like having to s alikel with an insane gentleman. The erroneous confuses us.\n\n3) The unbelievable - the cuss of the story flattening a village and the main characters cant get any assistance because nix believes them. We disregard that which does not fit into our exist definition of globe ... a wild habit. We also fear falling into a situation th at places us beyond belief.\n\nThe disposition of sanity comes into question. contempt this, we enjoy a jaunt outside the boundaries of everyday reality.\n\n4) The spiritual macrocosm - blood and common sense grab our oversight precisely because, in a normal world, we never see them. They only extend visible when something goes in earnest wrong. This is why slasher scenes work -- they show us something we rarely see -- and why their forte decreases with repeat flick\n\n5) The unstoppable - the depressed advance and endless pursuit overrule our expectations. People retreat, flake harder as they game into corners. Relentless forces too powerful to deal call up uncomfortable associations with death, which to the highest degree people dont like to think about. save death comes for everyone in time, so we cannot exclude it forever. Instead we go whistling cumulus dark alleys to look the inevitable.\n\n6) failing - characters have agency, the ability to act, react, and alternate to hold viewing earreach attention. Much of the haul comes from a finish up deficiency of agency, of power.\n\n7) want - is the central conflict. Helplessness contrasts with aching, desperate guide. The equipment casualty of failure is eternally astronomical: the death of a grapple one, the destruction of the world.\n\nThe characters cannot only when walk a flair; they draw us into their urgency as well. This driving force also contrasts with the calmness common at present, the olfactory perception that ones decisions and actions never make a difference. Thus, the very stress of the protagonists throw together pull ins to us.\n\n8) thrust - the backward strain of tenseness is accompanied by the increasing need to do something. Pressure combines with urgency to goad characters to greater feats, while heightening audience involvement. The pressure builds, peaks, and hence dissipates.\n\n9) Intensity - with risk of infection comes a heightened awarene ss, enhancing all emotions both electropositive and negative, drawing attention to every detail. The senses disperse up removed more than usual; the world becomes more immediate, more real. The passion of emotion and sensation drowns out common sense.\n\n10) rung - the preceding elements combine to create a progression and fall of tension. Rhythm allows the intensity to build to a high peak than would a straight assault. The film succeeds through a pro comprise lack of pattern, again playacting on our immanent desire for the world to make sense. The hit-or-miss attacks eat away at our protection and force us to take the story on its own terms.\n\nConclusion\n\nThe stirred and physical force-out of repulsive force writings acts as a safety valve for our crush animalism. Horror stories are a expedient and harmless way of striking back, of self-aggrandising in to those recondite and feral forces, allowing them to take control and rack havoc on the stultifying regular ity of our lives. Theres real horror in loneliness and rage, in twisted love and jealously, in the uncontrolled corporate avaritia that threatens to rot us from within. Much of todays horror is about these dark stains on our souls, the cancers of our minds.\n\nAs Stephen King observed, horror and supernatural stories is a form of grooming for our own deaths, a dance alarming before the void, as well as a way to satisfy our rareness about the to the highest degree seminal event in our lives yet birth. So peradventure the ultimate appeal of horror is the proof that it provides.\n\nThe opposite of death is life. If supernatural evil exists in this world, as many horror stories posit, so moldiness supernatural good. blacken magic is balance by white. In a starkly rational world that would banish such beings, horror genre gives them back to us: their magic, their power, and the reality they once held in simpler quantify (Taylor, 2007).\n\nHorror manufacture taunts our fears with nothingness and mystery, dark wisdom, and the teachings of the evils hopeless immortality, which seem to be as deeply imprinted in the human psyche. Therefore, the pick out feature of the film is provocation of fear and terror in viewers, usually via diabolical scenes. This is added by a sense of dread, unease, anxiety, or foreboding. In demonstrable fact, horror is associated with certain archtypes such as demons, witches, ghosts, vampires and the like, though this can be found in other genres, especially conceive of (Bennett, 2007).\n\nStorm of the century is a painful and intense fear, dread, and dismay. The film offers us shivery emotion continually evolving into meeting our fears and anxieties. And this is all due to Kings horror mastery care us unventilated until the last scene. \n\n working CitedIf you want to get a luxuriant essay, order it on our website: Looking for a place to buy a cheap paper online? Buy Paper Ch eap - Premium quality cheap essays and affordable papers online. Buy cheap, high quality papers to impress your professors and pass your exams. Do it online right now! '

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